Between Rocks

Amtrack

2006-10-14T09:29:00.000-07:00

You know, sometimes the life of working the train yards is really appealing.
And telling them you are 12.
And having a picture to prove it.

Mustachio 'Stache

2006-09-06T15:25:00.000-07:00

Look out. I hit the road Thursday morning at 7:00 am. And I'm bringing a 'stache with me. It's the Road 'Stache. And it will be rocking it out and embarrassing all my friends for at least a week.

Sick. And glorious.

Captain's Quarters

2006-09-06T15:20:00.000-07:00

This is an homage to the quarters that housed me all summer: The Captain's Quarters.

This was Navin's room back when he was growing up. Yes, Navin's brave parents housed me all summer and Ab Fabulous had to deal with living down the hall. I came home late many times. I had a busy schedule. I did not do all that I could to be a polite guest for over 4 months. I will not be able to say thank you enough times, nor do I know what I would have done if they had not been willing to turn over the Captain's Quarters to me for a while.

I should also thank Navin for not getting too worried. Don't worry, I only made a few changes to the room. The color in there was horrendous so I did a small paint job. What was blue is now screaming yellow to fit my rockin' awesomeness and screaming attack at life.

But, more than anyone else, I should thank that Captain who apparently gave up his sign so it could adorn the room I stayed in. The room took on a life of its own. It was not just a room, but it was the Captain's room. The Captain's Quarters. Thank you, Captain, whoever you are. And I hope you have hook instead of a hand. And a peg leg. Maybe two peg legs. And, or course, a parrot that repeats things you say and, sometimes, when you try to threaten someone, the parrot repeats the threat which really takes the menacing tone out of it. But what are you going to do? You have a hook and two peg legs.

Bless the Captain, and bless the Captain's Quarters.
------------------
I've come down with something
I'm frozen, tied up, cast in lead
It's simple, so says the captain
Face forward, move slow, forge ahead

I'm earning a reputation
My conscience, mistrust and regret
Courageous, just like the captain
Marching forward with no doubt in his head

Onward
Onward
Onward

--Guster's The Captain

Northern Waters

2006-08-12T16:52:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. It's been a while. That kind of happens. But you should at least know that one week ago I got back from the Boundary Waters. That's right, the Boundary Waters. Have you been up there? You spend a week up there and, if you are me, you aren't exactly eager to jump on a computer when you get back. Instead you walk around thinking how much simpler life is when your primary concerns are canoeing from point A to point B and making sure you eat something along the way.

So the goal here is, after being back for a week, to give a little trip summary. We'll start with my group:

(Ignore the random girl pirouetting in the back there. Don't know who that is.) They were awesome. We were the 'hard-core' group that was expected to paddle much of the day and see a lot of the area, even though that decision was ultimately up to us and we didn't have to do any more than any other group. But we did. Everyone in the group was willing to work hard, and I was thankful that on our last day, when we spent half the day just hanging out after positioning ourselves for a good exit the last morning, everyone decided that not working hard was plain boring. Obviously we got along splendidly. We spent the first couple of days canoeing right along the US-Canadian border. They were good times. We were only allowed to step into Canada when a portage dictated it. We were pleased that it happend fairly frequently.

The weather for most of the week was a real challenge. The first couple of days saw some impressive rain. The first night we didn't get hardly any sleep for all of the rain cascading down our tent flies. Each day we would see chilly mornings, sun, clouds, some rain, then rinse, wash and repeat. It was not uncommon for us to be cruising along and pretty warmed by the sun, and then suddenly see a weather front roll in.

Now, as a result of that particular front, we got out of a relatively simple area of the park and out into open water when the wind really started pciking up. Our meager canoes were blown off course and we wound up spending a night (technically illegal) in Canada. Now, in our defense we didn't really know we were in Canada until late that night when trying to locate ourselves on the map. That afternoon, when the suspicions first arose, I watched as the weather really turned threatening. Keep in mind, despite the darkness, this picture was taken at about 4 in the afternoon:

After a rain storm that really wasn't as menacing as those clouds appeared to imply, we got some of the most amazing weather on the trip. Pleasant, cool, a joy to cook dinner under, and served to give us the best sunset we would see the entire trip. Thus, my two favorite pictures from the trip are the two following, which were taken while (kind of accidentally) illegally camping in Canada. I will say this: I really like Canada. And we were very careful not to impact that site at all. Thank you Canada. You are awesome. And you are beautiful as these pics attest:

Now, the next day we got ourselves oriented, and set course for an area of campsites that were ultimately all full. So we paddled on and got to another campsite, and found it to be closed due to fires. We saw no fires, although we were aware they were in the area. But, according to our outfitter, this area should be open. While figuring out what to do, I picked up a little friend....

I want to emphasize that this is rare. Don't be scared of the Boundary Waters thinking that leeches this size are all over the place waiting to suck you dry of your blood. I was a bit freaked by the size of it. But it was also immediately apparent that it was digging in so I got it off very quickly. And hey, how cool of a picture does it make? Not only that, but we went swimming everyday and had a jolly time. Leeches were never our concern.

Perhaps the biggest scare is that one of our ziplocks failed us and half our GORP got wet. Any outdoor enthusiast knows this to be a tragedy. Our solution?

That's right, we laid it out to dry after the sun wasn't directly on it to melt the M&M's. Clever you say? Damn right it was. And it worked. Marginally.

I woke up early the next morning and caught this shot from our campsite. Could the lake be any more still? Could we see more of a mirror in the water?

On our last day, after not catching a single fish the entire time, I borrowed a pole and went out into James Bay. After an hour I caught a northern pike. And it was big enough to eat. So Duncan, who learned to prep a fish from his grandfather when he was 5 (and not having done it since), made it all become a reality. Once it was prepped, I was fully capable of doing the cooking.

The last morning. Some of the ladies wanted to wake up early to catch the sunrise. I'm normally not a fan of doing this on the last morning. But we hadn't done it yet this trip, and I was excited about our location in this bay to see what would happen. This is what happened:

Some of the coolest fog rolled in that the sun would later zap. For all I know we missed this kind of thing the whole trip because we never got up at 5:30 am to see it. But we saw it that morning. It gave me a profound sense of peace at the end of the trip. Then I went back to bed for an hour.

We got back and really weren't the worse for wear. We all got our first shower in a week and look as happy as we did in the beginning. Perhaps one of my favorite outdoors trips in recent memory. Not the toughest trip, and not too many stories from something that just plain went wrong. But simply a solid trip with a solid group.

So now I'm here as summer crawls to a close in terms of employment. School starts back on September 20. THAT'S A LONG TIME FROM NOW. I need to get some reading done. I need to organize a few things. I need to come up with a couple projects. Then it is back to the northeast for one more year.

But for the time being, I still relax everytime I see that sunset picture with all those crazy Canadian colors. Glorious.

Gift?

2006-07-22T15:20:00.000-07:00

Now, birthdays are great fun. Of course, one of the reasons for such fun is that you do often get gifts, ranging from the thoughtful to the mundane. But every now and then you get something truly great. Well, a friend had a birthday last week and she received in the mail a package from her brother.

That's supposed to be candy. Korean candy.

Now, I don't want to knock Korean candy here...not specifically. I know enough to know that different cultures and peoples enjoy different things, especially when it comes to food. On top of that I will say that in the grand scheme of things, I am probably a fairly picky eater. So it is essential that we all understand that my opinion is not alone when it comes to this so-called candy box. Example number 1:

A mutual friend of both the birthday girl and myself. Trying candy. And that expression is about what you need to know. Some were average. Some were tolerable. Some were downright nasty. The crowd favorite as far as most terrible? Start with the empty box in the upper left of that first picture. Then go one down and one right. The two circles that are kind of lavendar colored. With no discussion or collaboration the opinion of everyone who tried it was this: tastes like playdough and feels like chalk in your mouth. Yum.

However, just to buck up the spirits of the sender we should note here that this questionable candy (and we are all curious to know if Navin tried said candy) also sent a couple other gifts.

Socks and cell phone bling. Hmmm. I'll say the socks are impressively original when walking the mean streets around here. So I am excited to see the birthday girl take them on their maiden voyage. I am also excited to make fun of the birthday girl if the cell phone bling makes it onto her cell phone.

In the end, these gifts, while suspicious, have provided days of intrigue, discussion, and memorable tastes. Who knew all of us as kindergarteners eating playdough actually knew a thing or two about foreign sweet delicacies?

Renew Orleans

2006-07-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

We got back from New Orleans last Saturday. What do you know about the current state of things down there? When I went down I knew that things were bad. I also knew that almost a year has elapsed since Katrina hit. I figured there would be sure signs of progress. I also figured, being in the city proper, that there would be some sense of workking together. I can almost understand living outside of a major city and feeling like you are doing things on your own.

What I saw amazed me. I saw house after house fatally damaged by flood waters. I saw houses crawling with mold and cockroaches. I saw neighborhood after neighboorhood of deserted land. I talked to people beaten down and betrayed by the storm, their own government, and their own insurance companies. I talked to people who are still waiting for a FEMA trailer, were given $5,000 by an insurance company and were able to get their house partially dry walled before the money ran out. The insirance companies now refuse to cover the house. These people stopped being people, and were apparently now viewed as a liability.

I saw a day care and school, whcih previously had 50 kids in their door, now having 250 because other day cares have yet to open. The day care for the lower income areas barely had enough staff to cover the 50 kids. Now they have even fewer staffers because not everyone was able or willing to make it back to the city. Few staff people covering 5 times the number of kids.

I saw a house and gutted it. In the process we saw calendars wishing people the best of 2005. Birthday cards wishing the best of everything. Then the flood came. And here we were tearing apart what should have been the best of everything but was instead the loss of everything they knew. We found two guns in the closet which made me wonder, "What kind of neighborhood was this before the flood came? What will it be years from now when the surface damage is fixed?"

We left with questions. We left with disappointment in so much of what we saw. But we also left with hope. Progress is being made. People are getting help, although it might be slow in coming.

We left wishing the best of everything for the city.

A Breather

2006-06-30T07:27:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe, but the summer is almost at its halfway point. I've been here in Kansas City since about May 10th. We are now on the cusp of July and about 7 weeks left of work for the summer. And then I get a blissful couple of weeks of a free calendar before school starts up again.

That being the case, I've been spending the past week reflecting on where the summer has taken me, what is left in store, and what I should do with all of it. So let's see where I'm at.

First comes the fun stuff. It has been great hanging out with people in town. There are people here that anyone would be gifted and blessed to know. I have had some great conversations, heard some great stories, and have laughed a lot. I'm excited to know that I'm only halfway through with hanging out with for the summer. On top of that I have really just been appreciating hanging out with people who know me, and who I know - but at the same time it has been a long time since I have really been in KC. Not only has been really great to reconnect with old friends, it has also been fantastic connecting with people that I didin't know that well, but have been able to hang out with this summer.

Then comes the job stuff. I have been surprisingly challenged with work this summer, and not in the way that I would have expected. Before doing Field Education this past year I have had limited experience working on a large staff, and usually that staf has been only temporary - summer staff or something similar. But, over in Allentown there is a large permanent staff composed of both paid staff and adult volunteers. Because of all that difference and crazy schedules, there is a real sense of being intentional when it comes to planning. Allen town also has the benefit of people who are unbelievably committed to the program. I often think the people there eat, sleep, and drink the ministry. It is incredible. My biggest challenge this summer has been adjusting to a staff that isn't in that same vein. Despite there being so many of us, no one really owns any single thing. As a result it is rare when something feels like it has continuity or some overarching design to it. It can be frustrating that way.

On the bright side, it is ministry. And I rarely complain when something has a ministry component to it.

In the end, I am hoping to look back on the summer so far and really scrutinize everything going on. I hope to get to a point where we can implement some changes and hopefully be more intentional with our direction as we close out the summer. But more importantly, focus the direction as this ministry heads into the fall and into another year.

In the meantime, I am staring down the barrel of a mission trip in the near future. Do I know what is going on with it? Nope. But we leave Saturday.

Kansas Stereotype Day! (And Other Updates)

2006-06-10T21:38:00.000-07:00

Ummmm, there's kind of a lot to cover here. We'll start with literature, move onto travels, and then stop at current events.

LITERATURE
I finished reading Lords of Discipline today by Pat Conroy. Do I recommend it? Yes. Highly. It is perhaps the best novel I have read in recent history. A great summer read. Devour it in a week if you have the time. When you get a hold of a copy you may look at the paperback cover and think that this MUST be a joke. It isn't. Don't be fooled by the cheesy cover.

TRAVEL
I leave tomorrow morning and head to Farmington, MO. I went there for the first time many summers ago and I never thought that I would return in charge of my own youth group, and then return a third time in the summer of 2006. It is a joy to develop a relationship over time with the great people that run this organization. It is also difficult to hear about the situation of so many people there. This place does great work, and often harbors kids from their parents (hence a reluctance to mention the exact organization's name), and sometimes protects the kids from themselves. It will be a short mission trip, but will be exciting for junior high. It will also be a prelude to a New Orleans senior high trip later this summer.

CURRENT EVENTS (or, why some stereotypes aren't all false)
So, this weekend the city of Mission, Kansas is celebrating its heritage and pride. I have to admit that I find it interesting that some places hang onto pride such as this...or choose this particular form of recognizing their heritage. But, the city of Mission, every year, makes a point of getting together this lovely little parade. Now, don't be judgmental. The following photos are going to make it look like I'm in a one road town that was lucky to earn its first stop light or something. Not the case. It is just a suburb of Kansas City. And it is the unique downtown area celebrating....well...just celebrating, I guess.

And I want this last one to be bigger. I just love the cattle parading in front of Moss Copy Center for some reason.

So, yes. Cattle. Down the middle of the street. You might be delighted (as I was) to know that sometimes an ambitious little heifer gets away from the pack and escapes into the shopping area or even makes it into the neighborhoods. No such luck this year.

And, just so you know, after it was over I went and had a hamburger for lunch. Just felt like having meat for some reason.

Return to Summer

2006-05-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

Summer has returned. Actually, summer, for all practical purposes in my life, returned a few weeks ago when I left campus...around May 5th or so. In the past few years, that has meant I hop in the car and take a little road trip.

So, it should come as no surprise that I took the very direct route from New Jersey to Kansas and went through Canada. Very direct. Yeah.

But now I am in Kansas City, where I will be for the summer. I don't want to get into too much, but I do want to pause to show a picture from a canoe trip I went on soon after getting into town. You know, when you take a week to drive around, and then work for a week, it's about time to take a vacation. So I did.

We went down to southern Missouri, to Eleven Point River, which meanders in and out of the Mark Twain Wilderness. A trip well worth the time when you are looking to do some canoeing and some relaxing for a few days.

Another Reason Large Business Sucks

2006-05-26T09:19:00.000-07:00

So, I'm not saying it is going to happen. But it sounds like it could. And I don't have enough faith in the government to think it will see past large corporate interest (or be pushed around by corporate interest groups) that may not be good for the public or for small business interests.

So read what might happen to the internet in the very near future....

Abe Lincoln Defines Me

2006-03-02T18:56:00.000-08:00

So, sometimes I get suckered into these things. I mean, what better way to measure one's value than by taking pride in knowing that I might have one or two things in common with a famous leader, meaning I can then go around telling everyone I am just like that person?

The answer? Nothing. There is nothing better.

See for yourself.

Uncle Stan

2005-11-23T12:30:00.000-08:00

I got the call yesterday. Stan, my uncle, died Monday night, at peace with family by his side.

Stan was diagnosed with Leukemia late last spring. His treatment went well over the summer, but as fall came he took a drastic turn for the worse. This time treatment was not as effective, and after a while, the doctors had done all they could do.

I think I've seen enough at this point to know what it means when hospitals send patients home, or stop treatment in the face of ever-worsening conditions. If nothing else, and despite my prayers, that was a time when I began to think this was really it.

Last Christmas, not even a year ago, my family went down from our cabin in Tennessee to the hills of Atlanta to visit my aunt, uncle, and cousins.

There's Stan, standing tall in the middle (using the truck for a boost).

Right now there are a lot of emails, giving a kind of mini-eulogy series to the life of Stan....

"what a fight he fought. what a warrior he was. and he fought the fight with the greatest of spirit and grace. i know, because we all watched him do this and felt it every time we talked. he never once complained, he never felt sorry for Stan. through it all, he was an inspiration to me while he put on display 'when things get tough, this is how it can be done.' what a role model!"

"I loved Stan and thought he was a great person and someone who gave me the greatest warmth and welcome whenever I saw him. I will surely miss him."

"Never a selfish thought, always wanting to help everyone, caring for his family and friends. He loved his God and spoke often about making the right choices, being ready to meet the father and study the word.... Stan was a leader, sounding board, a shoulder, and most of all a beacon of light that reopen my eyes for the love Christ."

I think I'm still processing. This was sudden and yet not unexpected. Stan's fight was strong and brave, and yet here we are. I don't question God during these times. I've long since accepted death as a part of life and the uncertainty in life about when death will become part of it.

It is loss that is always so hard to deal with. It is the separation. It is the part of Stan that I will take with me, but now know that I must take with me. Stan was a good man. He was a good uncle, a good father and husband. Despite my being in seminary, Stan and I didn't really talk about faith. It was as though there was some basic assumption and recognition there. Something in two people of faith remained shared yet undiscussed.

I don't want to claim Stan to be a warrior, or a saint, or the greatest person on the planet. I think to negate Stan's faults negates his person. I want to remember Stan for who he was. He was a great person because of his strengths AND his weknesses. Strength has no meaning if there are no weaknesses. I never knew Stan to run from his weaknesses, and that is perhaps the best strength anyone could ask for.

We will miss you Stan.

And I Said Lately...

2005-11-18T20:16:00.000-08:00

While I made a shameless Candlebox reference (Who is Candlebox? A band I loved in 9th grade.) for a title, this has nothing to do with them. Sorry.

I've been haning out in my room a lot. I've been reading. I've been listening to music. I'm not going to say I've been brooding, but I have been kind of milling around. I think I even made the spider in my room bored. He stayed a couple days, out of reach in a corner by the ceiling and has now disappeared.

Beck - End Of The Day

I've seen the end of the day come too soon
Not a lot to say, not a lot to do
You played the game, you owe nothing to yourself
Rest a day, for tomorrow you can't tell
You can't tell

I've seen the end of the day come too late
Seen the love you had turning into hate
Had to act like I didn't even care
But I did so I got stranded standing there
Standing there

It's nothing that I haven't seen before
But it still kills me like it did before
No it's nothing that I haven't seen before
But it still kills me like it did before

I've seen the end of the day come too soon
Like the prison dogs they set out after you
You owe nothing to the past but wasted time
To serve a sentence that was only in your mind
In your mind

It's nothing that I haven't seen before
But it still kills me like it did before
No it's nothing that I haven't seen before
But it still kills me like it did before

Second Verse, Same As the First

2005-11-15T20:56:00.000-08:00

Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

GUSTER!

2005-11-05T14:13:00.000-08:00

Let's see. I had a paper due Friday afternoon. I hadn't slept in two days. On Monday I have a Systematic Midterm due and I preach (which means I have a 6 page exegesis paper paper due as well). So this weekend is a litte out of control. So what do I do on Friday night?

I mean, come on. First of all, it's the House of Blues. I've never been before. I know it isn't THE House of Blues. But still. Second, it's Atlantic City, which in my mind carried a certain wry humor. I always associate Atlantic City as being just kind of suspect, or dirty, or odd...or all three.

To demonstrate:
1) We arrive and park the car. In Peter's words: "If the car is there I'll be happy. Even if it's broken into. I just want it to still be there."
2) We scrounge around for a buffet. If you are ever near a bunch of casinos, you have to eat at a buffet. And while you are there you have to get at least two plates, and you must use all of your utensils. Kudos to Bos for using all his utensils, and even getting an extra soup spoon. The three of us sat there amazed at how much food our stomachs could contain. We moved very slowly.
3) We go up to the doors for the show. Bos stops to gamble for a bit. Peter and I head up to the show and slowly sip beer, and are nervous that our stomachs dn't have the room for it.
4) Opening Band: Matt Pond PA. They were decent. If they had stopped playing after 30 minutes I probably would have bought their CD. But, they played for 50 minutes. And at one point, their bass player sat behind the drum set and clapped for an entire song.
5) Guster is amazing as always.
6) We leave, and Peter is awesome because both of his passengers slept whle he drove us all home confortably and safely. The car was still there. And no one even broke into it.

PS - I've been to casinos in Vegas and in central Wisconsin. I like to think that gave me a little variety in terms of casino atmosphere. In both cases I had a hard time locating nickel slots. Not in Atlantic City. Nickel slots are all over the place. Not only that, but the have PENNY SLOTS. Wow. Just in case you only have pennies in your pockets after losing your life savings, you can still carry the night a little longer, and actually walk out with nothing. Next goal for casinos: shirt slots. Now you can lose the ACTUAL shirt off your back.

Good times. Atlantic City, you get my thumbs up for bringing Guster, and for the sheer audacity of your existence.

Days of Lethargy

2005-10-19T20:08:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to blame it on Saturday night, but the past few days have seen very little in the way of productivity from this young one.

What happened Saturday? There was the matter of the 24th birthday party of KPlax. Mr. Fear & Trembling himself was looking very suave as he critiqued the PoMo use of Brown on Black...

And he was also there to show off his superb tie to our representative from overseas....

So, that good time kind of spawned a series of events where I either didn't want to get work done, seemed physically incapable of getting work done, or got legitimately distracted by other things. Maybe my brain is taking some rest after some intense weeks of work that have resulted in getting a few steps ahead.

How does one go about curing lethargy? Is it an active process? Or is the cure to lethargy, ironically, to treat it passively and hope it just goes away?

I'm not one for passivity, more or less, so I've forced myself into good old Firestone tonight, and cranked out about 3 hours of work before taking the time to partake in some free internet usage (thank you puvisitor!) so make (gasp!) yet another update.

Next week is the reading break. A year ago I was preparing to head into the Adirondacks wilderness. This year I think I will again take some time to head into the unknown, but it won't be as far. This year I may head into some mental wilderness for the first couple of days. My brain needs time away. In the same way that this summer at Mount Hermon I found that the more I like the place, the more important it was for me to take time away from it. Now, back at school, I think I am seeing that pattern emerge again. This is a place that becomes so ingrained that sometimes you forget you can live and breathe without it. It is for that reason that I need to take time away. What would happen if a frog suddenly forgot it enjoyed life in the water? I guess it would forget the joy of swimming and think that it was forever doomed to hop the earth.

Ahh, cheesy analogies. Another facet of life....

No Excuses

2005-10-16T16:51:00.000-07:00

OK, so maybe it has been a while since I have really bothered to do anything with the blog. You see, I'm not a huge blog person, and yet I have a blog. For a while there was a long debate about my desire to continue the blog now that school is back in swing and life is legitimately busy. But...

At this point I am a week ahead in reading for all my classes. It's time to start working on papers and sermons that aren't due for many weeks. It is time to actually get life organized and learn that maybe, just maybe, I could lead a normal life that doesn't invovle mounting hour after hour and late night after late night at the library (for this semester at least). And maybe I could start savoring readings instead of blitzing my way through some of them with highlighter and pen in hand.

And then there's free reading.

So before some of you fellow seminarians come down to my room and beat me up for getting too much work done, let's move on.

A week ago the Bros celebrated the (continuing) life of Josh. I can sum up the night by saying it was perhaps the best time I've had so far this year. To top it off, many awkward pictures were taken. Becuase the bros are never shy, I know they would regret it if I didn't share some of those very pics.

If you don't know, Josh is a simply amazing artist. He just finished this amazing piece: Heather & Macaroni The piece means a lot to Josh and symbolizes his struggle to overcome a lifelong addiction to the siren he calls lethargy and feline personality he knows as interior design.

Now, I don't want the other bros to get jealous, so let the awkward pictures keep rolling...

Handsome. We'll see if I can get a post up (soon) about something that actually happened recently. We'll see.

There and Gone Again

2005-09-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

So I had actually been back to Princeton for about two weeks. But things were kind of busy. You know how it goes. You show up and your room is barren. Then you fill it up with everything in the car. And then you continue to fill it up when you take everything down from storage on top of the closet. Then is looks like a huge mess.

And when it comes to messes, a mess in my room is something that just grates on me until it gets taken care of. So, several days later, and zero blog updates later, the room got finished. Why don't I have a picture of the finished product? Because then classes started. And then I went to a wedding. And then I got back and got caught up with classes.

So my last post has me sitting by a small lake just north of Coos Bay Oregon. Let's see if I can give a few highlights as I crossed the country.

Oregon

I heart Oregon. And I heart Eugene. I was really shocked at how much I liked this city. Here's a shot of an inlet in southern Oregon, before I hit Coos Bay (home of Steve Prefontaine!).

I stayed with two friends, Mike and Megan in Eugene. They are awesome. If you ever meet a Mike and/or Megan, I will hold up these two as the standards against which you should measure your so-called "Mike" and "Megan" friends. We went around town. We visited an REI. We went to Hayward Field. We went on a hike at sunet that overlooked Eugene. Good times.

Washington

I drove up to Mount St. Helen's. Did you know it still smokes? That's because it is in an active cone building stage. I'm not kidding.

I took a hike out there, farther away from the volcano. Although it was miles away, there was old mining equipment on the trail that got pounded and mangled when Helen's exploded in 1980. This is me, farther away from Helen's, and without any mangled equipment in the shot. Am I wering the same shirt...again? Hmm. Life on the road will do that.

I stopped in Chehalis, Washington and rolled by Adam's house (THE GUS THACKER HOME!) and saw him and Sarah. They are going to get married. Notice that while Adam and Sarah are great, I still got a shot of them WITH the Gus Thacker plaque. It deserved to be in the shot.

I then settled in Seattle where I visited two more friends from camp: Tiffany (aka Rainbow) and her boyfriend Kyle. I was an idiot, however, and forgot to get a picture. Sad. But here's a picture of the Space Needle. It does not look like Rainbow or Kyle. But it is in Seattle.

Nick and Wyoming

I went to Boise and picked up Nick. It turns out that I didn't take a single picure in Boise. It was great to ride the bike, meet some of Nick's buddies, and just rest for a day. I do, however, have this flattering picture of Nick sleeping in the car while I drive. Mouth hanging open.

We stopped in Jackson, Wyoming:

And while we were there Nick ate this:

It's bread. And tuna. And mustard.
Gross.

But we eventually made our way to the Tetons...

And to Yellowstone...

(That is not the most exciting pic in Yellowstone, but Old Faithful is a classic, and I just really like the picture. How rugged does Nick look there? Like a rancher. Like a weathered rancher.)

So, after spending the night in Cody (also a great town) we were off to Devil's Rock.

South Dakota

South Dakota is not the most exciting state. We didn't stop at Mt. Rushmore as I had already seen it and frankly, I was not all that impressed... and we had bigger fish to fry. Like Wall Drug.

And then there were the Badlands (most wind ever).

Minnesota

From there we went to a little nook in southeastern Minnesota. Nick found a good lead on a decent bikepath. It was just what the doctor ordered after days of driving. Decent weather. A great bike path. A 30 mile ride that gave us a fairly good sampling of the trail. We started in Preston, MN. Beautiful area.

And Nick got a bug in his eye. It was gross and funny. It was grunny.

But he recovered and demonstrated his biking skills. Hoss.

Wisconsin and Ohio

From there it was off to Madison. We walked around, we had a boot of beer, I ate a great Wisconsin brat.

The next stop was Oxford, Ohio. Home of Miami of Ohio. Pete works in a lab there so we dropped in. We went out for a great night on the town. I won't get into the details. But, suffice to say that we visited some of the coolest places in Oxford. Drinks were had. Shots in a convenience store were had. Food was eaten off of the sidewalk. And some people got in random cars that were sitting around.

Pennsylvania

From there it was off to central Pennsylvania to visit Jim, another friend from college. Jim is getting a PhD in biogeochemisry. He's, like, smart and stuff. We went around the campus and just hung out.

Nick got to pose with Joe Paterno (statue, not the actual guy). Look at those glasses! Apparently the original ones were not really attached very well and got stolen. So those are the replacements.

We also got to take a ride on the Nittany Lion. I think we might be doing some kind of Penn State blasphemy, seeing as how neither of us are alumni or students there.

Princeton

Then, at long last, we got back to campus. We got back and we emptied the car, which had been full of stuff for about 3 weeks. It had been full for long enough that it looked odd for it to be empty.

The room, on the other hand was empty and looked odd to have stuff in it. I think I'm still straightening stuff out.

So now I'm here. Classes are in full swing. And now, a new year begins. A year on the other coast. 9 months on the other coast. But I'll get back to The Coast soon enough. I'll return....

I Heart the Road

2005-08-31T13:02:00.000-07:00

I'm on the road again. Heading north, then east...forever east.

I'm leaving a lot behind as I drive. I'm leaving what I don't want to leave. I'm leaving more than one thing that I don't want to leave. This summer brought many surprises, and I'm leaving.

I return to stand in the line again. I'm in line in New Jersey...waiting until I can get to the checkout counter. Purpose again comes to mind. I'm waiting in this line for a reason. That reason was apparent a year ago; it is more apparent now. But now there is also a greater sense of urgency. Last year I had nowhere to be except in line. Now I have places to be. I will seek to return to a place other than Princeton, NJ.

What will it mean for my year. Will that distract me, or inspire me?

I ponder that. And I drive. East. For the moment, forever east.

As I Depart

2005-08-28T12:21:00.000-07:00

Every now and then you read something that just makes you pause. I’ll admit: I’m a bit of a bookworm. If I get a few hours to myself, I usually spend it reading. And lately I’ve been reading Democracy Matters by Cornel West. This books makes you think. I’m not saying that it makes you sit down and question the very foundations of your life. But, I am saying that you frequently read a line and find yourself saying “hmmm” out loud while you read. You realize that some things aren’t the way you thought. You realize that you just read something that you totally agree with but could never put your finger on, or rearrange into words to adequately express yourself.

Can I give you an example? Especially after working with college students this summer, and now switch hitting with the junior highers on youth staff this week, a chapter titled “The Necessary Engagement with Youth Culture” kind of stuck out. There are a few times here that I really found myself nodding, then picking up my pen and underlining or writing notes in the margins (again…bookworm). As this summer comes to a close, this gave me a lot to chew on.

Quote: The incessant media bombardment of images (of salacious bodies and mindless violence) on TV and in movies and music convinces many young people that the culture of gratification – a quest for insatiable pleasure, endless titillation, and sexual stimulation – is the only way of being human.
Holy crud! Why do I love this statement? Well, let’s begin with my constant annoyance with the media and TV in general. Let’s also talk a little bit about how I hate that when I don’t spend money for a while, then I start to get kind of twitchy…like I have to spend at least a little bit on something, even if it is a cider I don’t want, or a CD I’m only kind of interested in. It’s like those psychological conditions where a person feels pressure build up until the person hurts him or herself. Why do I feel the NEED to spend money? Can we say “consumer culture”?

Quote: They begin to see that their education has been distorted and sugarcoated and has sidestepped so many uncomfortable truths. This often leads to an ardent disappointment, and even anger, about the failures of our society to consistently uphold the democratic and humanitarian values that can be born in youths in this phase of their life.
Wow. Remember angst? Remember feeling the world was all jaded, and then realized that you, too, were jaded beyond all hope? Maybe we still feel a little like that. I remember feeling that way while I watched as a children’s program (one that I was responsible for) continued to sugar coat the Bible. Do we do that? Do we teach kids a candy coated version? Do we do it to ourselves? Do we lie to ourselves, putting a candy coated Jesus in front of our eyes? I know that at times I do. I know that at times I pretend everything is OK and that at times I’m afraid to challenge kids I’m teaching. How can I prevent this? How can I know when to let them off because they are kids, and when to hit them with the full meaning? Is there ever a time to hold back, or have we simply gotten to where we actually feel bad for facing reality?

Quote: What a horrible irony it is that this poetry and critique (rap and hiphop music) could be co-opted by the consumer preferences of suburban white youths – white youths who long for rebellious energy and exotic amusement in their own hollow bourgeois world.
Let me take just a second to pause and feel the guilt for, at one time, being that young punk of a white kid. I didn’t know what depravity was. I didn’t know what a hard life was. I just didn’t know. But, I went around blasting the music all the same, striking out against some shadow that I called oppression when in fact it was just what West has called it: a hollow bourgeois world. I found anger in that music and foolishly called it my own. It was an outlet, but it was wrong.

Quote: The disaffection of so many youths stems in large part from their perception that the adult community neither understands nor cares about the issues of their lives. … Young people are acutely aware of the hypocrisies of so many adults in the political and business worlds….
If you don’t work with youth, what do you do to interact with them? The fact is, once you leave “youth-hood” you don’t much see people of that age again unless you have and brother or sister in the age group, or unless you eventually have kids and they then reach that age. Is it any wonder that youth feel they aren’t wanted or understood? And knowing that youths are so good at spotting hypocrisy, is it any wonder we are scared? Both of these issues need to be reconciled. Our own hypocrisy is something we should face. And today’s youths need us just as much as we needed adults when we were young. Remember the rare adult that cared and/or understood us when we were that age?

I’ll wrap it up with a statement West uses to wrap up his chapter: It is imperative that young people – of all classes and colors – see that the older generation in the academy cares about them, that we take them seriously, and that we want to hear what they have to say.

I am about to leave this place. We are all about to head out into the big blue world. And as we do that, we leave behind this life. We leave behind a life where we interact with people and kids and youth on a day-to-day basis. We will go back to another life soon. As I walk/drive away from Mount Hermon in less than a week, I face a question similar to one that I faced in high school. Back then, I asked myself if I lived two separate lives: my church/Christian life, and the rest of life. Back then it had to do with the basics: attitude, swearing, prayer, etc. Now I think it has become more complex. Now I leave here asking myself a new, but similar, query: do I live two separate lives: one where I interact with all God’s children (including our own children and youth), and one where I only interact with those who are like me? Do I turn off the summer job switch and hide in the bubble of higher education? Do I hide behind hours of work and/or studying and say that I have no time for those outside my circle?

Do I recognize what Randolph Bourne said many years ago: It is not compromise to study to understand the world in which one lives, to seek expression from one’s inner life, to work to harmonize it and make it an integer, nor is it compromise to work in some small sphere for the harmonization of social life and the relations between [people] who work together….

As Christians we are called to work together. All of us. May we continue to do so. May we strive to do a better job with it. May we seek God as we strive, and may we find God not in ourselves, but in and through those God calls us to serve.

God's Call, part II

2005-08-09T23:21:00.000-07:00

...Continued from Part I, below.

In the case of someone saying they know or hear God's Call, I think we need to examine the former (that is, re-examine how God is currently "acting" in our lives). To my knowledge, no one I know claims God's booming voice (that is to say, an audible voice heard in the same way you hear any person) called them. For that matter they don't claim to have heard any kind of audible voice, loud or soft, in the same way my voice is audible to you were I to read this article to you. So how should we resolve this issue?

First, we have to admit that God doesn't work through means that are as clear cut as a direct order from a mysterious bodiless voice. We have to admit that either God works in ways a bit different than the ones described in the Bible, or we have to court the thought that God has always acted in ways similar to those of today and that the Biblical accounts of God "speaking" or "acting" (etc.) are used in the same way that we use those terms in reference to God today. In either event, God isn't calling your cell phone, nor is God text messaging you with your next mission in life.

So, we don't claim God called on the phone; given that that is the case, we have to really take it on faith that the Call we are hearing is indeed the work God intends for us. That's kind of a judgment call, depending a great deal on how well you are in tune with God and with God's will. Nevertheless, some claim they are SO certain about what God is asking them to do with their lives.

Their entire lives! That's a big deal, so we need to treat it that way.

What if God is just telling me what to do for the next week and I stop listening before God is done and I start doing it for the rest of my life? Or what if I think God wants something for me in the short term, and instead means to put me out there for the rest of my life? It is a sword that cuts both ways. I get the feeling that (some) people become so convinced that God's Call for them is the period or exclamation point on their lives. They put their head down and get to work, never pausing to look up. That's all fine and good, but I think it is VERY difficult to realize when God wants us to be at another task when we have our heads down, especially when we hit our groove out there and forget to check back in on a pretty frequent basis.

The more I'm living my own life the more uneasy I am to say with a great amount of certainty that I am doing the one thing God is Calling me to do. And yet, some people stick to some One Thing they claim is God's Call and do it for the rest of their lives. In this article, I found a statement I think many can identify with: "Others (like me) made certain decisions about career either out of a lack of proper direction or from a basis of skewed priorities.... And looking back, I can see that God has been working on me and leading me, even during those times when my faith was less than strong. But still, there is that persistent feeling that something needs to be different in terms of work." This is very true, and as someone who does feel (dare I say) Called to work in the C/church for the rest of my life, and I really agree that within the context of Christian culture, there is a lot of pressure not to just find an occupation, but to instead discover or be led to a vocation directed by God's divine hand.

That, too, is all fine and good. I think we should strive not to just choose something to do for the rest of our lives just so we aren't bored, but should instead seek something at a deeper level. We should be seeking to find where our theology meets our occupation. BUT (and this is an important but) a big pitfall here is that we start to think that God is Calling us to a single occupation/vocation, as though there is only one right answer, and an infinite number or wrong answers. Lest we forget, God is going work the Divine Will through us no matter what we do.

Let me provide an example. I know a girl named Lindsay. Lindsay, a couple years ago, was looking for a job in youth ministry. Because Lindsay is freaking awesome, she was offered a position at four places: North Carolina, Kansas City, Louisiana, and California. This leaves her is a bit of a bind. Namely, which one to choose? Her concerns revolved around a central question: what if I choose the wrong one? But, after many tough discussions, we stumbled upon an important point: God's work was waiting to be done at each of the four places. In fact, she could choose none of those four and still go off and do God's work. The question she should instead be asking was, "How can I best serve God?" In the end, she would go off and do God's will, and there was little she could do to avoid that. She chose a place she felt she fit, and was confident God's work, just as in the other three places, was waiting for her there.

At this point, we have to ask another question. If the Call is, at best, varying degrees of ambiguous, then how do we start, in a humble way, to ask, dialogue, and hear that Call?

Another article, here, has some helpful words, "The key, of course, begins with self-understanding, prayer, and a willingness to allow ourselves to ask the questions. We often need to have other people share in the discernment process. A good spiritual director is a necessary element of any vocation discernment! So often we feel that we are the only ones who have these types of questions or feelings. We may feel we are the only one in the whole world who has been called! Of course the opposite is true."

This brings me to Point Number 2: given that God doesn't work through telegraphs, or memos, or video conferencing (yadda yadda), we must instead look at how God works through events and people in our lives. We have to look at how God works through us when we are honest and real about prayer.

I think we all read that and think: Well of course I pray. I'm the best at praying. I pray all the time. Good. Pray more. And don't forget to listen. Stop talking every now and then and let your mind go. Let God speak ("speak") to it. That's big. The stuff up there in that quote about having a mentor is also big. In fact, not just one mentor, but lots of people that are on the faith journey that you can talk to. Ask questions. Ask God, your mentor, and everyone who is worthy enough to have your respect. Never stop asking.

Prayer, as big as it is, is good. But there is another, more practical or proactive, route that you should also be taking as well: "Finally, we must experiment and evaluate. Try out things related to what we are discerning. We can volunteer for related activities, take a part time job in an area that seems appropriate, or participate in related parish groups. We should try anything that seems appropriate that will give us a chance to try things out. And as we do that, we should evaluate. Over time, God will show us what we need to do." (click here for the full thing)

Did you get that? Over time. These things take time, so don't stress out about it. First, don't let the pressures of this world force you into making a hasty decision. Second, don't fear failure. If you go out there and strike out at the plate, then chalk that up to experience and move on. God is still going to work the Divine Will through you, even in your failures. Third, don't second guess yourself to death. Have the confidence to know when you are in tune with God, but have the humility to check in without freaking out when you do it. Fourth, don't give up hope. Whatever people say, Call is NOT easy and Call is RARELY definite. To find one or many of the Calls God has for you in your life is a treasure. Treasure is valuable and therefore difficult to attain.

There's a great book out there called The Alchemist and it has a line saying, "Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time." Suffice to say there are few guarantees out there.

Strive to find your Call. Set your heart, mind, and spirit on Christ. Pray. Talk to everyone you know and love. Listen. God's voice will not speak to you in the way you might think. It will probably not speak to you in a way that makes you certain beyond all convictions. But maybe, just maybe, that is because a measure of humility is demanded in every Call.

In the end, take this last quote to heart. It was spoken by Iain Torrence , president of Princeton Theological Seminary during commencement this past May: "In your future lives, remember that it is possible to be passionate without being fanatical. It is possible to be mistaken or just plain wrong and I often am."

God's Call, part I

2005-07-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

This is something that I have had on my mind a lot recently. What is God's Call? I don't mean what is my call, and I don't mean what is your call, but I mean what is it. I think being here at camp, and being at a camp where many viewpoints might be more conservative than my own, that word has started to take on an eerie feeling. I'm not saying that people here are weird. Rather, I think that I have always had some suspicions about that word, and the "Christian-ese" meaning behind it, and those concerns have come to the forefront while I have been in this place. That is particularly true when I hear people claim, "I see [fill in the blank occupation] as God's call for me."

If that's the case, then that's great. And I'm not saying that you are full of poo when you say that. I am saying that unless you are a person I deeply respect, you might get a raised eyebrow from me when you make a statement like that.

Why? I'll tell you why. I'll raise my eyebrow because I think "Call" is a word that is abused these days. I think Christian culture has taken this very Biblically based word and has absconded it. We use it all the time! "God has Called me to be here; This is God's Call for me; God is telling me to do this; I hear God's Call in this work...." It says a lot to claim you are doing God's work. That should be especially profound when you think of people who say it, and yet you think, "If THAT is God's work then I want nothing to do with any of it" (I'm looking at you Falwell, and Phelps, among others...).

1 Corinthians 1:1 finds Paul introducing himself as: "Paul, called to be an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God...." In fact, Paul is often described in this way, almost so often that I start to wonder if Paul put that call in there with his name simply because there were so many doubters out there who wondered just how reliable Paul was. After all, he wasn't one of the Twelve. Heck, I'd put that moniker in there to squelch a few rumors. But this was friggin' PAUL. If he's going to claim a Call from God, I figure I'll let him have it. Just remember that you aren't Paul when I raise my eyebrow after you say it. Paul had his difficulties and doubts. He boasted about working for the Lord. He wrote a good chunk of the New Testament. He started churches and preached to the poor and the needy and the desolate. He preached to the outsiders. What have you been up to lately?

The use of "Call" isn't too specific in other places. We see in 1 Cor. 7 that God calls us to live lives of peace. We often see "Call" in reference to being or becoming a disciple of Christ (such as in the calling of the Twelve in the Gospels, but also mentioned in the beginning of Jude, as well as Acts, Romans, 1 & 2 Peter, and 1 John among others). So when you tell me that God has Called you to the life of a high paying, high powered corporate lawyer while living in a nice house with 2.4 children, a dog named Butch, a cat named Ms. Whiskers, and geraniums on the porch behind your white pickets fence and manicured and landscaped lawn...I'm going to be a little apprehensive.

There's an article here that asks and states, "What is God's call? How does He call people to service? We often hear that God calls pastors and missionaries, but exactly how does He call? Do you hear it? Do you feel it? Is it in a still, small voice? Is it a dramatic event? Or is it just a feeling? I believe it can be all of the above." Yeah, that's kind of what I think about when someone asks me to describe it. And while some of those questions are important to consider (like the fact that NOT just pastors and missionaries feel or hear God's Call), it kind of leaves me with the feeling that you are in a cheesy movie - like all you have to do is follow your heart and it will all be OK in the end.

The problem is that I'm just not on board with that. Following my heart has sometimes led me into trouble, just like following my head can do. This is particularly true because I think the description above blurs the lines between Biblical accounts and present day reality. That is a great point brought to light by an author named Langdon Gilkey back in 1961. In his article, "Cosmology, Ontology, and the Travail of Biblical Language" in the Journal of Religion he raises a very pertinent issue:

Put in the language of contemporary semantic discussion, both the biblical and the orthodox understanding of theological language was univocal. That is, when God was said to have 'acted,' it was believed that he had performed an observable act in space and time so that he functioned as does any secondary cause; and when he was said to have 'spoken,' it was believed that an audible voice was heard by the person addressed. In other words, the words 'act' and 'speak' were used in the same sense of God as of men. We deny this univocal understanding of theological words. To us, theological verbs such as 'to act,' 'to work,' 'to do,' 'to speak,' 'to reveal' etc., have no longer the literal meaning of observable actions in space and time or of voices in the air. The denial of wonders and voices has thus shifted our theological language from the univocal to the analogical. Our problem is, therefore, two fold: (a) We have not realized that this crucial shift has taken place, and so we think we are merely speaking the biblical language because we use the same words. We do use these words, but we use them analogically rather than univocally, and these are vastly different usages. (b) Unless one knows in some sense what the analogy means, how the analogy is being used and what it points to, an analogy is empty and unintelligible; that is, it becomes equivocal language. This is the crux of our present difficulty...

That concept blew me away. This is especially pertinent when you take a look at the way people use "Call." Let's take a look at Paul again, just as an example. Paul's conversion story is fairly familiar to most experienced Christians, and the thundering voice, complete with blinding light later followed by blindness and scales falling from Paul's eyes, is a pretty good story to hit me with when I question you about the certainty of your call. Now, assuming that you want to take Paul's converstion account very literally, we have to ask the question why God doesn't use the same method these days to grab our attention. Or, if you are a fan of the Old Testament, then let's take a look at Moses: God's voice like thunder so loud it shook mountains. God talking with Moses on the mountain. Moses seeing God, such that when he returned his face glowed. Looking at God's interaction with the world today, one has to either say that God is changing the way God operates, or that we have to take another look at what the Bible means when God speaks or acts, and what it means when we say God is Calling us....

Time, Big Sur, Foot...Soliloquy?

2005-07-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

Where have I been? What have I been doing? These are questions I don't ask of you, but of myself. I've noticed that time has been on fast forward recently and that is never more apparent than in my journal. I crack the delicate pages and turn to the last entry to find that not days, but weeks have drifted by while I don't take note of it any more than I take note of a light fog passing through these mountains.

Then I am in the fog myself...caught up in what is going on and suddenly weary at the thought of fighting my way to a wireless spot to get some personal computer time. At this moment the fog has cleared. Recent events have cleared it. Recent events, like a sudden blast of sun that burns off the fog, have given me a glimpse of blue skies that tell me where I am. I don't know how long it will last, so I'm here to quickly survey my surroundings.

Two weekends ago I went down to Big Sur and camped. One night. Two friends. Much needed and appreciated time away from life at Mount Hermon.

We got a chance to sit out and enjoy just sitting in the sun. Some look like they are actually relaxing, while others look like a dead body tossed aside in the woods. You decide which is which...

It is amazing to me that Mount Hermon can be such a great place, yet is still a place that I feel I need a break from on a fairly consistent basis. So far I'm chalking that up to it being an intense place. When I am there, by entire life is there. Life there is constantly and consistently on my mind. Some of those things I don't mind at all. Other things, like the details of my job and if I'm supposed to be somewhere and don't know it, are a nuisance. Mount Hermon is a place where God's work is being done, and I admire that to a great degree. At the same time, I listen to speakers, unable to stop myself from being critical at times. I suppose it is something similar to going to a great church, but not connecting with the pastor; they do God's work, but some things just don't line up for you like they should. There comes a time when you have to decide how critical those issues are. Am I at that point?
................
Last week was a great group of college students. It is amazing how this position can exhaust me, and yet the people can bring me back to life. It also helps when the week goes according to plan. It helps when a group gels. It helps when I don't get sleep for good reasons. It helps when I'm questioning some things in my life. It helps that I don't feel helpless in that questioning period.

And now this week is at full tilt. Back in the swing of things. Of course, Monday now affords not only the thrill of the Boardwalk, but also the thrill of tracking down our favorite Boardwalk employee, Brandon. Think I'm kidding? We've been taking pictures each week:

Then, Tuesday morning I went running. Trail running. I've been doing a lot of that here. For those that don't know, I run as often as I can. Running is therapeutic for me in a way that only runners understand. I think, sometimes, about whether or not running gets past the initial pain one experiences when being out of shape. Does the pain go away as your body gets used to the activity? Or do you just get used to pain...accept it? Probably a little of both. Probably has to do with life that way. Some things you deal with, and they are no longer painful, while other events are always painful, but you just accept it. And, every now and then, you get hurt. That's what made yesterday different.

Later, as it really began to blossom, the bruising patterns changed to reveal what it would settle into for the time being:

So now I'm taking a few Ibuprofins a day. And by a few I mean 12. A day. One dozen per day.

So it goes. It happens. I plan to run again in the near future. I plan to test my ankle. I plan to push it. I expect to struggle with it.

While sitting around last night, with my ankle up on a pillow, elevating it (only because someone told me to), I had some time to think about the situation. I get scrapes a lot, but very rarely does something happen that keeps me off my feet (or foot, as it were). I am determined to get back to running in the near future. Not only that, but I want to specifically hit the trails in the near future. Something about getting right back on the horse as soon as I can.

That very desire is something I'm not going to say I do very often. There was a time when, after falling off the horse, I was very content to stay off. I don't think many people would say that of me, but I would manage to stay off the horse in subtle ways. So, it is fun for me to look at this as a definitive personality shift, or at least the start of one.

There are some amazing things going on in my life, not all of which I care to share here. Just know that each week brings something new. Each week also develops other, ongoing events. Significance, at the moment, is the primer for my life.

A People Christian

2005-07-11T16:47:00.000-07:00

Today at lunch, one Mr. Bob R. came up with an interesting remark that, while made half jokingly, was a good thought nonetheless.

When did “Christian” become an adjective?

The conversation began with Bob critically remarking that he didn’t know what Christian music was, and particularly when taking into account the way the music industry works, with bands and record labels being in the business of making money.

Suggestions ranged on what, exactly, you do with the category of Christian music, especially as many genres fit into that umbrella term…and as a result, one can’t really say that Christian Music is a particular genre. Punk, rock, country, ska (yes, ska), cheese rock, etc. have all been adopted and used in the Christian Music scene. Thus, when someone says they like Christian music, you can’t assume he or she is a huge fan of a particular “sound.”

Then, of course, is Topher’s suggestion of JPMs, otherwise known as the number of times Jesus is mentioned in a song, or the “Jesus Per Minute” factor.

So, if I write a song, and declare myself Christian, does that mean I am a member of a Christian band that then gets put into the Christian music scene?

If you hunt around and wind up on wikipedia, you can get them to define Christian Music for you. The simple version of it is “Christian music is music created by or adapted for the Christian church.” If you want the full description click here. Using that simple definition, anyone who goes out, with the intention of creating music meant to be lifted up or presented to God, could be put in that category. As such, I could take a “secular” song and play it to or for God (thus adapting it for the Christian C/church) and I have transformed it into Christian Music.

I have to admit, I like that idea, as it rings true of our own selves. We are made of this earth but can be transformed into bodies living our lives for Christ.

But there are a couple of issues that still present themselves.

The first is that by and large, the above definition is a bit broad and doesn’t really get to the heart of what Bob was asking. I think the music we were talking about is more specifically CONTEMPORARY Christian Music. Wikipedia is helpful there, too, I guess: “Contemporary Christian Music (or CCM) is a classification of Christian music as well as popular music in general. It is not a musical style or genre, as it refers to several types of music. Instead, it is called ‘contemporary’ because it is distinct from traditional and southern gospel music. It is called ‘Christian’ ‘on account of a perceived connection to what [self-identified fans of CCM] regard as Christianity.’” (Again, for the full article, click here.) The result here is that there is a general collective throwing music into categories. And, what I consider to be Christian may not be what you consider to be Christian. I'll take a risk here and offer up Pedro the Lion as an example. Now, from what I know, many people consider this man/group to be a Christian band. But, if you do some listening, you'll hear the occasional "cuss" word. I think that's great, and I don't want to berrate the assumed status of a band for that reason (after all, I know many Christians who identify themselves as such and cuss on a regular basis). But, there are many who refuse to see Pedro the Lion as a Christian artist because of this fact. So, at the very least, there is a gray area.

The second is that we haven’t touched the adjectival use of Christian. To be honest, it isn’t something that I have really ever given thought to until the past couple of weeks, especially when thinking about a Bible Study that looks at how we might exploit Christianity by attaching the name to businesses, music, or industry in general. After watching The Corporation I’ve kind of had this on my brain a lot recently.

The practical eventuality here, for me, is that I end up feeling guilty for not supporting something Christian, or I feel that I should prefer something that is Christian just because that designation is given to it. All things being equal (price especially) when I have to choose between a place called Bob’s Auto Place or Christian Auto Place, I am indeed more likely to go to the Christian place.

But, I think most people know that just because a person calls him- or herself a Christian doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she can be trusted to keep something in confidence, refrain from gossiping, and in general refrain from sinning any more than the rest of us. One would think, then, that a business with a Christian title would fall into that same pitfall. That is especially true, one might think, when thinking about the end goals inherent in these two enterprises: Christianity and business. The goal of one (in a sense) is to be a servant and to shine God’s love and seek God's will while the end goal of the other is to make a profit.

I don’t mean to suggest that any and/or every business out there, or its owner(s), are actually wolves in sheep’s clothing, hiding behind the Christian name while taking advantage of the unwitting customer. But I do think that when one puts the Christian title up on a billboard and associates it with their business, they are in fact making a BIG statement. But maybe the problem is that they don’t think they are making a big statement at all.

Should I walk around each day wearing a T-shirt that says CHRISTIAN on it? And if I did, should you trust that it is true? And even if I made a big effort with my actions, does that mean that everything I do should be toted as an example of model Christianity? There’s only one person I know of that could carry that burden.

In the end, this discussion has wavered back and forth from the original question: when did “Christian” become an adjective?

Since when does one describe oneself as a “Christian” person? Is the problem in that description the same one inherent in trying to define Christian Music? Is it the same issue as a business claiming it is a Christian business? As Bob said at lunch, “If Christian isn’t an adjective, then it should mean the same thing when I refer to that as a Christian magazine and then call it a magazine Christian.”

So we coined a new phrase, and it is sweeping the nation (and when I say "sweeping the nation I mean that probably no one will ever use it). No longer are we a Christian people. Instead we are a People Christian. I am a Man Christian. She is a Woman Christian. Perhaps it is we that should be striving to mold ourselves to what Christianity is, rather than Christianity describing what we claim to be.

We could only hope our lives and our very beings would be an accurate adjective for that holy word.

2005-07-09T15:46:00.000-07:00

So, if you go here and spend $5, you can have a grand time.

And, you can go in the gift shop and buy little worms. To eat.
And then you can take a picture like this:

Be sure to click on the pic, and then be sure to look at the large one. Larva in all its edible glory.

Udating the Update (Train Day #2)

2005-07-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

I'm in Santa Cruz...probably in the same place Nick was in his last blog entry. It is train day once again, and this time I am sitting and being a bit nervous. I lead a seminar tomorrow. I don't feel confident about it. I feel like it could very well crash and burn. It is pretty much completely done, although I want to go over it and practice the whole thing this afternoon, or late tonight...whenever I get the chance. We'll see.

In the meantime, let me reveal a little window into my life at camp this week.

Sunday: Campers and Conferees arrive. I meet up with the college group. We have about 14 or so this week and they are a great group. We play spoons. I get injured.

Monday: We head out to Garden of Eden. Because of the cut above my eye, and because I fear infections leading to blindness, I cannot get in the water. People do some log jumping, swimming, hanging out.

That night we go to Ponderosa to watch the 4th of July fireworks down in Santa Cruz. Lesson learned: fireworks from far away are less than exciting.

Tuesday: College group hits the Boardwalk and has a time and a half. I'll be posting the GREATEST PICTURE EVER next week. After we get back some staff hit Santa Cruz Diner. Dave experiences PHO for the first time and determines it is "really salty."

Wednesday: We hit the beach at night for a bonfire. S'mores are enjoyed by all. Most random night so far and learned that many random things that you find on a beach can really be thrown into a fire, even though you don't want it thrown in YOUR fire. Among the items: boxer shorts and a volleyball. We thought the volleyball would explode. Instead it just hissed flat. Then we decided that it was a bad itea from the start. We would have rather played volleyball than burned it. Sad. At least we still had more s'mores.

Tonight we'll be heading to the street where I am now: Pacific Avenue. I plan to hit Streetlight Records and pick up a few things. I'm finding that listening to music is a rare opportunity with everything going on, and I consider music to be a big part of my life, so it's a big shift for me. I do have some solace as I plan to buy tickets to see this guy on July 19th here in Santa Cruz. I'm "slightly" excited. Don't know who Sufjan is? I recommend you leave right now and go check him out. The phrase that comes to mind is "worth it."

Anyway, I've planning on going over all the notes from Chuck Swindoll's series this week and hope to get something done about on Saturday or so. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing, really. A lot stems from the fact that some things rubbed me the wrong way, but many people insist that this was out of character according to the past years. I'll go with my notes and see what I can come up with.Suffice to say that even though I am very single, I got a lot of advice this week about family values and being married. Uhhh, yeah.

Diners

2005-07-06T18:29:00.000-07:00

I recently made a contribution to the staff newsletter here at camp. In an effort to educate some of the staff on Diner Etiquette, I came up with a few tips. It's not all-encompassing by any means. Any suggestions out there on other Diner Tips?

.......................................................................

Have you ever been to Santa Cruz Diner? If so, were you confused at how you were treated, but amazed at the rotating tray of desserts all the same? Were you simply looking for a late night bite and hoping to find the same service that you would get at Applebee’s? (And shame on you for going to Applebee’s, anyway.)
Diners, if you didn’t know, have their own culture. I’m not exactly what you would (or should) call “cultured,” but I know a thing or two about diners. So if you ever wanted some inside information on the Diner scene then read on. (Yes, you can translate all of this to ANY diner. Feel special.)

Tip 1: Employees. Every employee will have some oddity. They might clearly be wearing a beehive wig, they might talk in such a fashion so as to be barely understood, they might be 90 years old and hauling an oxygen tank around (I’ve personally experienced that one), their demeanor doesn’t hide that they aren’t happy you are there, et cetera, et cetera. Smile and be polite anyway.
Tip 2: Cruddy service. They won’t treat you “special” or “like they appreciate your business.” They aren’t your mommy, and they’ll be darned if you sitting down to eat makes it their job to serve you. (Er…wait….) Regardless, they aren’t too excited for you to interrupt them in the middle of whatever they were doing. Deal with it. At least they are taking your order.
Tip 3: Coffee. If you drink coffee, order the coffee. It’s just the way it works. And they know when you’re lying. And they know the coffee sucks. Sorry.
Tip 4: Non-Coffee. If you don’t drink coffee, get something else to drink other than water. And don’t get a soda. That’s for losers and lesser wimps when you are at a diner. You looking for a soda? You should have gone to McDonald’s or something. Sorry.
Tip 5: Dessert. Don’t order a whole dinner, unless you are feeling adventurous or are primed for disappointment. You are there for your cruddy coffee (or some other non-coffee, non-soda beverage) and dessert. Most diners have homemade desserts when it comes to pie and cake, so get one. I guarantee that all diners have a display case with all their pies and cakes in it. Bonus points if it is the display case that spins around.
Tip 6: Timing. If you are there before 10:30 or 11:00 at night you should go home and come back later. Part of the diner experience is being there late at night when the crowd is “worth it” and the staff is mostly “lifers” and the food is most likely “sub-par.” Curiously, desserts are exempt from this rule (see Tip 5).
Tip 7: Jukebox. If they have one, put quarters in there. The music selection will be random. Deal with it and pick something that looks really really cheesy (Backstreet Boys, that Superman song from that one band, or something of that ilk) or really really country (preferably bands you haven’t heard of but sound country…Hillbilly Boys, Brooks & Dunn, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, etc.). It is also acceptable to choose something everyone knows the words to. Try to get everyone in the diner to sing together.
Tip 8: People. If you aren’t in California, count the ratio of people in the smoking section versus the non-smoking section. Oh, and chances are, if you are sitting in the non-smoking section, you’re server probably still has a cigarette hanging out of his or her mouth as they serve you your food. Also, note the other people in the diner. Yeah, they are different than you, huh? They are all also probably cooler than you because they know a lot more about life. Remember that one before you giggle at the dude talking to himself while he sips his cruddy coffee and nibbles the strawberry shortcake. He could probably take you in a fight anyway. So could the woman with the wrinkly tattoo of a snake wrapped around a knife.
Tip 9: Atmosphere and Ambiance. Look for signs that talk about how smiles are free. Or that there is an extra fee charged to mean people. Or the word “whiners” with a circle and a cross through it. Special bonus if they have a section of wall with a bunch of post cards on it from all over the US that loyal customers actually mail to them. Super bonus points if any post cards are from outside the US.
Tip 10: Tipping. Tip well. These people have to deal with you and your obnoxious friends at 2 in the morning. And all you are ordering is coffee and dessert. Be generous. You might bring a smile to your server’s face.

So there you go. Obey these simple rules and look like a pro at any diner you ever attend. Some diners are way cool about random things, like bringing a deck of cards and hanging out. Others aren’t and kick you out for playing cards and claim “religious reasons” (experienced that one, too). All diners have their own flavor, so eat up, and eat often!

Swift

2005-07-01T10:49:00.000-07:00

This week has gone by so fast it borders on the wondrous and the absurd. This group has been at camp all week and they have been great. However, due to the logistics of their group, my services are not needed, as they send all their college aged kids up to high camp at Ponderosa. As such, I have had to bide my time a bit this week, being as constructive as I can in the mornings (working on a seminar that I will present each Friday for the rest of the summer). The afternoons have been spent watching the Game Room and then the Rec Shack, affording me two hours of reading inside, followed by two more hours of reading while simultaneously working on my gnarly tan outside. Yup, 4 hours of reading every day this week (more or less).

So what have I been reading? Let's take a look together, shall we?

For one thing, I have finally started God's Politics by Jim Wallis. If you haven't heard of this, you should have. If you haven't read it, you should make it a priority. I'm only about a third of the way into it and while I can't say I've been totally floored by everything in it, I have been impressed by Jim's (I like to think we're on a first name basis) articulation and general point of view. In fact, I don't think I agree with everything in there so far, but I have come to a point where I deeply respect just about everything stated. I guess it also helps that I do agree with a lot of what is laid out. I plan to get into some more details after I get done with the whole thing.

I'm about to finish up A Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold. If you live near "nature" or even if you don't, I think it's really important to sample some writing(s) that touch on nature/ecology/environment on a fairly regular basis. Perhaps it is even more important to do so if you DON'T live near nature (a city or something). This book has reminded me of how I should be looking at nature and the processes continually in motion within nature. Leopold's writing speaks of his love, reverence, and personal investment in the natural world. I have something of a personal attachment to this book because he deals with his land in Wisconsin in the first third of the book. I wish I had had the fortune to have read this book while I was still living there. I would have made more attempts to get out and enjoy the area more, and perhaps even seek to explore areas near where Leopold was writing about.

The other night I walked into Gator's room and Jav was reading what looked to be a typical PDF assigned booklet from good old Princeton Theological. After recovering from that shock, I found out that he was reading a commencement speech. I borrowed it and read it while on the way back from climbing and rappelling and really enjoyed it.

That commencement speech has also given voice to a small axe that I have to grind. I think I can safely say, without offending all the friends that I love dearly from school, that I get a little annoyed when people talk smack about being at PTS, or living in Jersey, or anything along those lines. I realize that New Jersey is not everyone's cup of tea. I realize that PTS is hard. I realize that Princeton itself is up there on the list of places that probably give you a jaded (read: protected) view of the world if you don't make an effort to get away from it (even driving the 15 miles into Trenton should shake anyone from the idyllic land [borough? township? etc.?] that is Princeton).

So I'm going to get up on a freaking soap box for a bit here. But I do it humbly, if that can be done from a soap box. I've lived in (at?) several places in my lifetime. Do I like some better than others? Yes. Have I liked all the places I have lived? Yes. Could I still find things to complain about in each of them? Yes. Do I lament them all the time? No.

Just about anyone who knows me knows I love the West. I love the land. I love the people. I love the atmosphere. I love the rugged mountains. I love flip flops and hilly roads. I like the occasional fleece vest. One could say that if one were to dress like me and in fact wear my 'actual' clothes, you would wear an ugly feece vest.

See?

I have no doubt that at some point in my life I will live somewhere out W/west. I have VERY little doubt that I will retire there. Now, have I ever 'actually' lived out West? No. If you count this summer, then yes I have. But at this point I've been here three weeks so I'm not ready to commit to saying I have lived here in the fuller sense.

That said, I want to say that I don't love New Jersey in the same way. I live there. I'm satisfied with living there. I will even go so far as to say that I LIKE living there. There are good people there. And most importantly, I value my time there. I value what I am learning there, not just while in seminary, but what I am learning while living in that particular geographic location that I could not learn anywhere else.

When I first moved to Appleton, Wisconsin for undergrad I didn't like it. In fact, I'm going to say I hated it. I wondered what the hell I was thinking when I decided to move to Wisconsin. If you can't guess from the comments about Sand County Almanac from above, that attitude has changed. I like Wiscinsin quite a bit. I think despite it being known for fat folk who watch the Packers while eating cheese and drinking beer, it is in fact a state that values its wilderness. It is a state that values what lies within it's borders, both human residents and otherwise. They could do better, sure, but all of us could do better.

So that commencement speech linked above really drove home to me that life is sometimes these dull things. And beyond the mundane and obvious times like standing in line, or waiting in traffic, there are possibly times that stretch longer than we might think. Perhaps you are standing in line in New Jersey for three years getting your M.Div. degree. But while I'm standing in line, I don't want to get back into that default setting that ends with me complaining about where I am and about how I'd rather be someplace else. This line is necessary. And while I'm in line I can choose what I'm going to think about. How often does God work on a time scale that we just don't see? Years later we look back and it is all clear. But how often did I complain to God in my ignorance? A lot. Probably more than a lot.

I am fully willing to acknowledge that New Jersey is not for everyone. In fact, New Jersey is not for me. But for the time being, I live there. I will live there two more years. And when I leave, I will miss it....

...For the time being, I am the young arrogant fish. I am the one standing in line, wondering what all these people are doing in my way. I am self-centered. But, I live with the hope that my mind can leave the place I live. I can choose. And in the end, I live with the knowledge that every place has value just as every person has value. There is vlaue to be had even while standing in line.

OK, I'm done. Sorry.

As a side note I'm also trying to whisk my way through H.G. Wells's original 1898 version of War of the Worlds. I'm not usually a huge fan of anything from this time period (although I have admittedly read what is likely to be a very small percentage of the writing produced during this time). But I have to say I'm enjoying it so far and am already bracing myself for what is undoubtedly going to be a let down when I see the movie. I'm just trying to accept that any movie likely cannot do justice to the amount of detail and character insight that any book can provide. It's the way it works. I'm pretty sure that when a movie begins to approach the detail and caliber of the book from whch it is based, that's when we ogle at how good the movie was. It's a difference in medium. So if you want to annoy me a little more, see any movie based on a book and complain about how it wasn't as good as the book. My answer: "I know. I agree. It's the way it works. But what did the movie bring to the table that the book didn't, or perhaps couldn't?"

Oh yeah, the rappelling from yesterday? Had a great time. Thanks to John, looking very dangeresque here, for inviting me:

Good times.

Airport Pickup

2005-06-25T12:51:00.000-07:00

So I'm in San Jose. Part of my job requires that I shuttle out to the airport here to drop off and pick up speakers. I know, sounds little dull and hokey, right? Well, the thing about it is that I am picking up the SPEAKERS. I'm not picking up guests (although I'm sure they would also be interesting to talk to), but am instead picking up people that are coming to Mount Hermon with the purpose of imparting knowledge. I get 45 minutes alone with them on the way back from the airport, and then again at the end of the week as we drive back out.

Let's take an example, shall we? A week ago today I picked up Dale Cooper. He's the chaplain and a professor over at Calvin College. He was with his wife and daughter, as well as granddaughter. What an interesting guy! One of the most gracious men I have met, and he has a demeanor about him that assures you he is ALWAYS thinking about something.

In the future I hope to take a few notes on the sermons/sessions the speakers have and fill you in on what they are talking about from time to time. And I'll let you know if they sucked, should that ever be the case.

In other news: Week 1 of camp is done! This was an interesting week because the CRC peeps are usually running the place, but for the first time in many years they are not the sole group that takes over camp. As a result, the college program usually isn't runing this week. Also as a result, the numbers for college were WAY low because people from CRC were still out in droves.

Soooooo, I just had one (1) kid there, really. Because of that, this may prove to have been the most difficult week of the summer. Spending large amounts of time with the college group is no big deal because I need a lot of time to get to know everyone. However, when it is just one person, it can fizzle quickly depending on personality. As it turned out, the guy that was here was always willing to talk about his faith life and struggles. It is great to see someone that struggles with how to live according to Christ. I was also surprised at some of those struggles, which I won't get into. It is enough to say that we talked a lot about how to continue the Christian walk on a day-after-day basis, and how to be at peace with our shortcomings as sinners.

OK, the coffee house I'm in is officially hot. And I mean that it is neat here (did I just say neat?!?!) and actually hot in terms of temperature. I think I might be melting.

By the way, what's on my background right now:

A sweet sunset the night that Nick and I got creeped out. Why creeped out?

CREEPY!

Train Day

2005-06-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

Today is the first Train Day of the summer. For those of you who aren't hip to the scene (like me, one week ago) Train Day here at camp is the day that most of the staff folk get the whole day off. The campers/conferees take a train into Santa Cruz and hang out there all day. That means that there are no programs going on at camp. Hence, we staffers get to do whatever. I took some time to take a nice run this morning, grabbed breakfast BEFORE showering (glorious), and am now hanging out with some free wireless and a spiced cider (when you can't stand coffee, and haven't yet come around to the glory of tea, a spiced cider is the best EVER), and a different perspective. I'm halfway into this first week, and I can already look at my previous post, and past journal entries, and note that things have distinctly changed.

Let's run through some of the changes, shall we?

1) Transparency. I should put a note in here that I think some staff members at Mount Hermon may have my blog at their fingertips these days. That makes me a little squirmy. Why? Well, past posts were a bit dire at times, and I wrote them knowing that no one at camp had the address. It has brought out an interesting exercise in blogger transparency that I think all bloggers deal with at some point or another. Namely, how much of one's thoughts and inner self does one reveal on this thing? That's a relative and personal decision to be sure, but I'm a novice at this whole venture so it's smacking me for the first time.

2) Comfort level. So the most common advice I've gotten over the past week (and perhaps the best advice as well) was to remain patient. I'm good at knowing and telling myself this, as I've fallen into the same pattern just about every new place I go/live/spend time: give it two weeks. The first two weeks can be rough. Most of the time I'm settled by the end of two weeks, or at least more comfortable.

3) People. So at this point I'm not syaing that I've had something that ranks up there with 'amazing experience,' but things are in a much better position than last week. I think this one relates to the previous bit about comfort level. It also has to do with the next one...

4) The Thick of Things. Programs are up and running. Things are moving. We are scrambling to care for the people who are here. We are running ourselves ragged and we know it. In a situation like that I think a community grows closer, especially for those people who are making an effort to be aware of that closer growth.

5) The Cost of Discipleship. I owe one K.Plax a huge thanks. At the book sale back at school he found an old copy of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Cost of Discipleship and thrust it into my hands. $2 later I owned it. I used a few pages out of it in my Bible study yesterday and have started to work my way through it in general. "Cheap grace" is something hitting me hard these days. Setting up the difference between it and "costly grace" has put a lot of food out there to chew on and I'm loving it. The permanent knot tied between grace and the call to live according to Christ is huge. That and I think I'm so happy to be reading a theologian who is NOT Paul Tillich. No offense meant there, just nice to understand what I'm reading.

So, for those from PTS who have been praying for me, I have appreciated knowing you are out there.
Also for those of you at PTS, I have not shaved my head since May 13th. I actually bought shampoo for the first time in about two years. It's Herbal Essence stuff, and it smells great. Little things.

I'm going to try to get around to taking some pictures this weekend, and possibly this afternoon. My dad has been wanting to get an idea of what surrounds me here, so keep an eye out for some posts with some of those in there.

And, by the way, I've been enjoying the awesome power of the Party Mix option in iTunes. I love it because songs pop up that I would never think I wanted to listen to at the moment, but they pop up on their own and lyrics can just HIT like that. I'm pretty sure that ol' Ben has a woman in mind when he writes this, but for some reason I'm identifying more with new places and new people in general. Sometimes I don't think past the beginnings of things....

Ben Lee - Begin (off of Awake Is the New Sleep)

I'm walking down broadway
Each foot step is a new love letter
I'm trying to make eye contact
With each and every stranger that I pass
Thinking about the city
It's living proof people need to be together
I'm thinking about how I just want to open up
And give and give and give
And it's ok for you to care
Cause I can feel you in the air
And while you wonder "how's this gonna end?"
I only want it to begin

I'm thinking about desire
I've had to learn how to sin successfully
I'm thinking about bliss
And bliss is all dressed up
And there's no one to dance with
Remembering her smile and the nuclear bomb
And the reasons I loved her
Walking through Central Park
I'm in a foriegn country and I'm waiting for a sign
That it's ok for you to care
Cause I'm not going anywhere
And while you wonder if you should let me in
I only want it to begin

I'm still singing
Twisting humilities, breaking arrangements
Thinking about my heart
I guess you've heard, sometimes it's heavy
But I just keep moving
When I hit a wall, I look up at the sky
I'm thinking about my makeup
In spite of all this I know she won't give up on me
And its ok for you to care
Cause I can taste you everywhere
While it's true
All straight things must bend
I only want it to begin

Like a Hurricane

2005-06-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's a Scorpions reference. However, that's where the reference ends for today. Sorry to all you Scorpions fans out there.

It is Sunday. More precisely it is Sunday the 19th of June. The first wave of campers arrives this week here at the Conference Center at Mount Hermon. That puts me a bit on edge because it means that everything that I planned out last week will go into motion this week. This is the time of inadequacy and self-doubt. Now is when everything that I put in the back of my mind last week comes to the forefront. It is the weight of being solely responsible for a program...or being solely responsible for anything, I guess. How much more must a single parent feel? So yeah, there's a meeting today in a few hours, and then a couple hours after that the boulder begins its official, and unstoppable, roll down the hill. Will it bring damage and destruction, or will it roll harmlessly? No matter what happens, I will know the answer to that by Friday night.

So, coupled with that, I'm also grappling with a few issues through everything I'm reading. Two books occupy my time at the moment: Guns, Germs, and Steel and Dune. So, both books are great (and yes, for a very slim selection of books I am a SciFi fan) but both present some interesting issues. Guns, Germs, and Steel presents a pretty comprehensive look at how many of the cultures and societies that we see today got to be where they are. The inspiration for the book came from the author's experience in New Guinea, with a friend that he has there who basically asked him that question: how is it that Europeans came/have come to be in the position they are in. For example, why were the Europeans the ones to set sail to explore other lands, and infect so many people with their germs? Why wasn't it another culture who came to land on European soil? And, beyond that, why was it the European germs that killed off other races and not the other way around? And why was it that steel and guns came to be weilded by those same Europeans? This whole thing is a thorny issue and really comes down to agriculture, according to Diamond. Of course, the factors surrounding that single issue are very complex and culture comes into play in terms of willingness to adopt new means of technology, ability to interact with other peoples to gain that other technology/innovations. That ties into a group's ability to sustain larger and larger numbers, and whatnot. Perhaps what is hitting home so far is a very surface and obvious issue: chance. There is so much in there that just seems to be the way things turned out: location, cultural norms, etc. How much of that do we say is providence? How much of that is God's hand at work? And, if we consent to that, how close is that to a VERY slippery slope about racial differences and God's preference in that arena? I tend to balance that out with the belief that God doesn't deal in that way, but instead knows that a great deal of life here for us is indeed up to a certian amount of chance. God works through a lot fo that chance, which is the (one of the) wonderful thing about God. I've gone on a while here so I want to settle it with a general boggle the mind comment. It boggles the mind.

OK, so the other book is Dune. Suffice to say that is revolves around good and evil, and has much to do with motives, patience, and the fulfillment of prophecy (a la the first Matrix in that last respect). The big question around much of the book iis about Paul and whether or not he is the one meant by a prohecy. The matter is complicated by the fact that Paul's mother, Jessica, is a member of a kind of secretive (but not secret) society. This group moves onto planets and spreads certain stories and prophecies that follow a basic pattern. Unknown to the native inhabitants, these prophecies are made to support this secretive society. Of course, the native people of the planet are going to take that prophecy and twist/change/adapt it as time goes on. Now, this planet seems to be finding truth/Truth in this woman's son. We, the reader, get the sense that there is a larger hand at work, and that what may have initially been a hoax is actually real. The tie-in here is indeed similar to those issues raised by the Matrix, I guess (except this book was written in the 60's I think) and have to do with whether or not one might know what they are doing when they are walking the path of greatness or prophecy and all that. I think the larger issue for me is that we may not know when we are even doing God's work. That blade cuts both ways, I suppose. We may think we are doing God's work and in fact we are not. That is a large issue that, for me, has a lot to do with our own ability to relate to and commune with God. I think a certain level of humility should aslways be present: never be totally certain of what God requires, especially as we go forth and proclaim our interpreted messages to others. That responsibility is massive, with equally massive consequences (which Dune also makes clear).

OK, I rambled. Maybe I should throw in another pic from this past week to end the email with a nice, serene moment...I'm on top of Humphrey's Peak in this one. It's the tallest point in Arizona, just north of Flagstaff at calm 12,633 feet. I look really content and happy in the pic, but the wind was gusting 40 to 60 mph and it was at no warmer than freezing point. Yeah, pretty miserable. But I tried to climb this bad boy back in December of 1998 and the snow was too much, so it was nice to finally check it off.

A New Beginning

2005-06-17T21:52:00.000-07:00

I am at a new point in my life. Or, at least, I am at a point where many things are new, which maybe makes it feel like I am at a new point. I am in a new geography. I am with new people. I am at a point where I have TIME. I have time to do a lot of thinking. I have time to do a lot of observing. For that reason I am reviving what was previously a sputter start for a couple weeks: this very blog.

I've set some ground rules for myself:
1) This thing is going to be simple. And I'm going to keep it simple.
2) I'm going to actually be regular with my posting.
3) The majority of this will revolve around my experience where I am, both in terms of this place, and where this place is taking me.
4) Taking all of the above into consideration, I am not going to let this thing rule, or even direct, my life in any fashion.

That said...here we go.

I am at the end of the first week of employment at Mount Hermon. I'm not going to lie, I had pretty high hopes for this summer. And don't get me wrong - the first leg of the journey has been amazing! I spent a month on the road and it was exactly what the doctor ordered. I just might have time to get some of the pics up around here or something. OK, maybe a brief sample here...

Yeah, so that was on my up to the summit of Mount Princeton. Gorgeous. Incredibly difficult hike. There is some amount of accomplishment when you get to the end of something you thought about quitting a dozen times.

So yeah, I eventually arrived here near Santa Cruz at Mount Hermon. It's been an adventure. The driving was great, and I spent half of the trip with people and pretty much the other half completely on my own. I think that put me something of an odd position as I entered Mount Hermon: I was isolated and used to it. I was enjoying my time on the road, absolved in my own travels. Sounding a little self-centered? Perhaps.

So then I arrived. Don't get me wrong, I'm thinking that everyone here is great. I really don't think I have met or seen anyone around that I think is a total jerk or anything, But Mount Hermon has a rich history, and a lot of the people on staff have experienced part of that history. They were campers here or they are returning staff. Not only that, but most people are part of a smaller staff like the Youth Staff, or Daycamp, or Child Care, or AdFac, etc. I am the one and only College Advisor. There is no staff other than me. It sets me apart and while everyone else is working together all day long I am on my own, doing my own thing. It's odd. It's unsettling. It is hard.

I'm not having a pity party. I've decided that I'm not really looking to have an amazing connection with people up here, and maybe that is how I have decided to deal with what is going on. But I have also decided that I am fine to have time hanging with the college campers, getting reading done over the summer, and having time to journal, and now apparently do some blog action.

Or, maybe I am preparing myself for the worst case scenario or something.

In addition to all of this stuff going on, I think the past month on the road has changed me. I don't think I've experienced that in a while. I don't think I've been able to put a finger down on exact changes, but there is something different. For the time being I am more quiet. I am observant of nature and things going on around me. I am not as quick to make a random comment. I am comfortable in my own skin. That comfort, however, has taken me away from people, and I am unsure of that direction. Does that mean I'm actually NOT comfortable in my skin?

Well, in a completely different direction I am preparing a Bible Study for the college kids next week that I hope to expand into a two part "series" - a Bible Study and a seminar. The topic basically deals with how we view Jesus and questions that view, and the general view of the stereotypical Christian American. Is Jesus the buddy we grew up knowing? Or is Jesus perhaps calling us to something that we are afraid of is we face it? Has the true meaning of Christ been lost in a mix of pop culture, which the church (Church?) has fallen into?

It isn't something totally new, I know. But I hope it is something that these college kids can sink their teeth into. It also allows everyone to come in with their different faiths and compare notes on who Christ is for each of them. We then move on to what we might do with those views, and how they affect who we are as we leave this place.

It is something. It is something.

Backlash

2004-11-16T14:03:00.000-08:00

Oddly enough, the book for this past week in Pastor as Person was about death. There's no better way to get yourself out of a rut of grief than to read about death. Actually, I'm serious about that one this time around. I actually had a bit of a backlash against all the grief of the past week and I'm going to credit Lynch for it after reading The Undertaking. In order to apprecaite death, one must appreciate life.

Life, despite being surrounded by death, is everywhere and is waiting for full appreciation. On top of this, I think the recognition that Thanksgiving is around the corner. I, like many people, have grown up with a skewed vision of what Thanksgiving is. I tend to associate it with mounds of food, sleep, vacation (from school of work), and even football. There is tragedy in those associations...or rather, there is tragedy in what is not typically on that list. Thanksgiving should be what it says: giving thanks. More often than not I forget what those things are, or limit myself to the usual (and shallow) gifts that I am thankful for. Most children are thankful for their friends, or family, or for fun times. This year I want to challenge myself to look a little deeper. If I want to really go crazy I will thank God for those things I am deprived of. I may be thankful for the challenges in my life that, despite struggle, define life in so many ways. Perhaps I will even give thanks for grief.

Sorrow in the Present

2004-11-09T01:22:00.000-08:00

My thoughts continue to drift back to a boy in a river.

Emailing back and forth, discussing the events in the internado, and talking about Erica's general state of mind brings the word sorrow to my mind constantly. I keep wanting to point to the future, when things will be brighter...when there will be perspective on this event. But, to suggest such a thing to anyone in the grieving process is not helpful, compassionate, or fruitful.

Sorrow is very much a state of the present. It is hard to look forward to sunny days when sorrow is clouding the the sun. And in many ways, this is OK. Sorrow is necessary, and it is healthy. It is not easy to lose something as important as a unique human being. It is loss of the worst kind.

My thoughts drift again, this time to the seminol sorrowful experience in my own life...one with a significant date around the corner. Wednesday, November 10, my older brother would be 27. A few weeks after that I will have outlived him. Yes, sorrow is very much a word of the present. Not to take a cheap shot at those who were there for me and my family when Lee died, but to say something to the tune of, "Buck up, things will get better," is a horrible slap in the face.

Of course, they were right, things did get better. But to someone in the midst of the present, the future is not what you want to hear about.

Nevertheless, the future does come, and with it comes perspective, lessons and values learned, and sobering thoughts about both life and death. Hindsight is a funny thing. I turn to the Old Testament texts that I am studying for (or not studying for) in preparation for an exam tomorrow. All of these stories...this history. Did they know the significance of what they were doing? There is much sorrow in these stories. Were they able to see the significance as it was happening? Or did they find the meaning only much later? Or are we still seeking the meanings, even now?

I hope a community in Honduras can find meaning in the loss of a little boy. I hope they can find God working through tragedy, even now when it is hard to see. But for the present, I know they are working through sorrow. May God keep them. May God heal them. But for now, sorrow is enough.

Caught

2004-11-07T21:25:00.000-08:00

I got an email this week from Erica with the kind of news that shocks a person out of his or her own reality. Several days ago a boy was playing with friends in a river. Dipping below the surface, he did not come back up. His friends continued diving in after him for two hours, only to finally discover his body wedged between rocks.

To continue the heartbreak, the kids took their friend from the river and brought him back to the internado where they stood vigil the entire night. The next day, without any sleep, most of the kids had to return to the fields to work. Erica said that she has yet to see any of the kids cry and that something like this is so common in their lives that it is "just" an event rather than something to call special attention to.

She is unable to cry in front of the kids because of their attitude toward the whole event and because she doesn't want to freak them out.

What is this? What am I doing here in this life while children are dragging their friends out of rivers and bringing their lifeless bodies back to their homes? And yet, I am ashamed at the realization that such a story merely provides a reality check for me. I question the world surrounding me and the things I take for granted. I question the people around me and the comforts I have.

My focus should not be here; it should instead be there. My focus should be on the lives of those people and to pray for God's love. To pray for God to keep those children in his care. To be humbled by the tragedy that is life without forgetting the joy. To ask why rocks can capture and crush the life of a boy playing. To marvel at the bravery and courage of his friends.

To live with the knowledge that I don't deserve to be where I am. I am at once free of rocks but just as deserving to be caught between them.