I Heart the Road

I'm on the road again. Heading north, then east...forever east.

I'm leaving a lot behind as I drive. I'm leaving what I don't want to leave. I'm leaving more than one thing that I don't want to leave. This summer brought many surprises, and I'm leaving.

I return to stand in the line again. I'm in line in New Jersey...waiting until I can get to the checkout counter. Purpose again comes to mind. I'm waiting in this line for a reason. That reason was apparent a year ago; it is more apparent now. But now there is also a greater sense of urgency. Last year I had nowhere to be except in line. Now I have places to be. I will seek to return to a place other than Princeton, NJ.

What will it mean for my year. Will that distract me, or inspire me?

I ponder that. And I drive. East. For the moment, forever east.

As I Depart

Every now and then you read something that just makes you pause. I’ll admit: I’m a bit of a bookworm. If I get a few hours to myself, I usually spend it reading. And lately I’ve been reading Democracy Matters by Cornel West. This books makes you think. I’m not saying that it makes you sit down and question the very foundations of your life. But, I am saying that you frequently read a line and find yourself saying “hmmm” out loud while you read. You realize that some things aren’t the way you thought. You realize that you just read something that you totally agree with but could never put your finger on, or rearrange into words to adequately express yourself.

Can I give you an example? Especially after working with college students this summer, and now switch hitting with the junior highers on youth staff this week, a chapter titled “The Necessary Engagement with Youth Culture” kind of stuck out. There are a few times here that I really found myself nodding, then picking up my pen and underlining or writing notes in the margins (again…bookworm). As this summer comes to a close, this gave me a lot to chew on.

Quote: The incessant media bombardment of images (of salacious bodies and mindless violence) on TV and in movies and music convinces many young people that the culture of gratification – a quest for insatiable pleasure, endless titillation, and sexual stimulation – is the only way of being human.
Holy crud! Why do I love this statement? Well, let’s begin with my constant annoyance with the media and TV in general. Let’s also talk a little bit about how I hate that when I don’t spend money for a while, then I start to get kind of twitchy…like I have to spend at least a little bit on something, even if it is a cider I don’t want, or a CD I’m only kind of interested in. It’s like those psychological conditions where a person feels pressure build up until the person hurts him or herself. Why do I feel the NEED to spend money? Can we say “consumer culture”?

Quote: They begin to see that their education has been distorted and sugarcoated and has sidestepped so many uncomfortable truths. This often leads to an ardent disappointment, and even anger, about the failures of our society to consistently uphold the democratic and humanitarian values that can be born in youths in this phase of their life.
Wow. Remember angst? Remember feeling the world was all jaded, and then realized that you, too, were jaded beyond all hope? Maybe we still feel a little like that. I remember feeling that way while I watched as a children’s program (one that I was responsible for) continued to sugar coat the Bible. Do we do that? Do we teach kids a candy coated version? Do we do it to ourselves? Do we lie to ourselves, putting a candy coated Jesus in front of our eyes? I know that at times I do. I know that at times I pretend everything is OK and that at times I’m afraid to challenge kids I’m teaching. How can I prevent this? How can I know when to let them off because they are kids, and when to hit them with the full meaning? Is there ever a time to hold back, or have we simply gotten to where we actually feel bad for facing reality?

Quote: What a horrible irony it is that this poetry and critique (rap and hiphop music) could be co-opted by the consumer preferences of suburban white youths – white youths who long for rebellious energy and exotic amusement in their own hollow bourgeois world.
Let me take just a second to pause and feel the guilt for, at one time, being that young punk of a white kid. I didn’t know what depravity was. I didn’t know what a hard life was. I just didn’t know. But, I went around blasting the music all the same, striking out against some shadow that I called oppression when in fact it was just what West has called it: a hollow bourgeois world. I found anger in that music and foolishly called it my own. It was an outlet, but it was wrong.

Quote: The disaffection of so many youths stems in large part from their perception that the adult community neither understands nor cares about the issues of their lives. … Young people are acutely aware of the hypocrisies of so many adults in the political and business worlds….
If you don’t work with youth, what do you do to interact with them? The fact is, once you leave “youth-hood” you don’t much see people of that age again unless you have and brother or sister in the age group, or unless you eventually have kids and they then reach that age. Is it any wonder that youth feel they aren’t wanted or understood? And knowing that youths are so good at spotting hypocrisy, is it any wonder we are scared? Both of these issues need to be reconciled. Our own hypocrisy is something we should face. And today’s youths need us just as much as we needed adults when we were young. Remember the rare adult that cared and/or understood us when we were that age?

I’ll wrap it up with a statement West uses to wrap up his chapter: It is imperative that young people – of all classes and colors – see that the older generation in the academy cares about them, that we take them seriously, and that we want to hear what they have to say.

I am about to leave this place. We are all about to head out into the big blue world. And as we do that, we leave behind this life. We leave behind a life where we interact with people and kids and youth on a day-to-day basis. We will go back to another life soon. As I walk/drive away from Mount Hermon in less than a week, I face a question similar to one that I faced in high school. Back then, I asked myself if I lived two separate lives: my church/Christian life, and the rest of life. Back then it had to do with the basics: attitude, swearing, prayer, etc. Now I think it has become more complex. Now I leave here asking myself a new, but similar, query: do I live two separate lives: one where I interact with all God’s children (including our own children and youth), and one where I only interact with those who are like me? Do I turn off the summer job switch and hide in the bubble of higher education? Do I hide behind hours of work and/or studying and say that I have no time for those outside my circle?

Do I recognize what Randolph Bourne said many years ago: It is not compromise to study to understand the world in which one lives, to seek expression from one’s inner life, to work to harmonize it and make it an integer, nor is it compromise to work in some small sphere for the harmonization of social life and the relations between [people] who work together….

As Christians we are called to work together. All of us. May we continue to do so. May we strive to do a better job with it. May we seek God as we strive, and may we find God not in ourselves, but in and through those God calls us to serve.

God's Call, part II

...Continued from Part I, below.

In the case of someone saying they know or hear God's Call, I think we need to examine the former (that is, re-examine how God is currently "acting" in our lives). To my knowledge, no one I know claims God's booming voice (that is to say, an audible voice heard in the same way you hear any person) called them. For that matter they don't claim to have heard any kind of audible voice, loud or soft, in the same way my voice is audible to you were I to read this article to you. So how should we resolve this issue?

First, we have to admit that God doesn't work through means that are as clear cut as a direct order from a mysterious bodiless voice. We have to admit that either God works in ways a bit different than the ones described in the Bible, or we have to court the thought that God has always acted in ways similar to those of today and that the Biblical accounts of God "speaking" or "acting" (etc.) are used in the same way that we use those terms in reference to God today. In either event, God isn't calling your cell phone, nor is God text messaging you with your next mission in life.

So, we don't claim God called on the phone; given that that is the case, we have to really take it on faith that the Call we are hearing is indeed the work God intends for us. That's kind of a judgment call, depending a great deal on how well you are in tune with God and with God's will. Nevertheless, some claim they are SO certain about what God is asking them to do with their lives.

Their entire lives! That's a big deal, so we need to treat it that way.

What if God is just telling me what to do for the next week and I stop listening before God is done and I start doing it for the rest of my life? Or what if I think God wants something for me in the short term, and instead means to put me out there for the rest of my life? It is a sword that cuts both ways. I get the feeling that (some) people become so convinced that God's Call for them is the period or exclamation point on their lives. They put their head down and get to work, never pausing to look up. That's all fine and good, but I think it is VERY difficult to realize when God wants us to be at another task when we have our heads down, especially when we hit our groove out there and forget to check back in on a pretty frequent basis.

The more I'm living my own life the more uneasy I am to say with a great amount of certainty that I am doing the one thing God is Calling me to do. And yet, some people stick to some One Thing they claim is God's Call and do it for the rest of their lives. In this article, I found a statement I think many can identify with: "Others (like me) made certain decisions about career either out of a lack of proper direction or from a basis of skewed priorities.... And looking back, I can see that God has been working on me and leading me, even during those times when my faith was less than strong. But still, there is that persistent feeling that something needs to be different in terms of work." This is very true, and as someone who does feel (dare I say) Called to work in the C/church for the rest of my life, and I really agree that within the context of Christian culture, there is a lot of pressure not to just find an occupation, but to instead discover or be led to a vocation directed by God's divine hand.

That, too, is all fine and good. I think we should strive not to just choose something to do for the rest of our lives just so we aren't bored, but should instead seek something at a deeper level. We should be seeking to find where our theology meets our occupation. BUT (and this is an important but) a big pitfall here is that we start to think that God is Calling us to a single occupation/vocation, as though there is only one right answer, and an infinite number or wrong answers. Lest we forget, God is going work the Divine Will through us no matter what we do.

Let me provide an example. I know a girl named Lindsay. Lindsay, a couple years ago, was looking for a job in youth ministry. Because Lindsay is freaking awesome, she was offered a position at four places: North Carolina, Kansas City, Louisiana, and California. This leaves her is a bit of a bind. Namely, which one to choose? Her concerns revolved around a central question: what if I choose the wrong one? But, after many tough discussions, we stumbled upon an important point: God's work was waiting to be done at each of the four places. In fact, she could choose none of those four and still go off and do God's work. The question she should instead be asking was, "How can I best serve God?" In the end, she would go off and do God's will, and there was little she could do to avoid that. She chose a place she felt she fit, and was confident God's work, just as in the other three places, was waiting for her there.

At this point, we have to ask another question. If the Call is, at best, varying degrees of ambiguous, then how do we start, in a humble way, to ask, dialogue, and hear that Call?

Another article, here, has some helpful words, "The key, of course, begins with self-understanding, prayer, and a willingness to allow ourselves to ask the questions. We often need to have other people share in the discernment process. A good spiritual director is a necessary element of any vocation discernment! So often we feel that we are the only ones who have these types of questions or feelings. We may feel we are the only one in the whole world who has been called! Of course the opposite is true."

This brings me to Point Number 2: given that God doesn't work through telegraphs, or memos, or video conferencing (yadda yadda), we must instead look at how God works through events and people in our lives. We have to look at how God works through us when we are honest and real about prayer.

I think we all read that and think: Well of course I pray. I'm the best at praying. I pray all the time. Good. Pray more. And don't forget to listen. Stop talking every now and then and let your mind go. Let God speak ("speak") to it. That's big. The stuff up there in that quote about having a mentor is also big. In fact, not just one mentor, but lots of people that are on the faith journey that you can talk to. Ask questions. Ask God, your mentor, and everyone who is worthy enough to have your respect. Never stop asking.

Prayer, as big as it is, is good. But there is another, more practical or proactive, route that you should also be taking as well: "Finally, we must experiment and evaluate. Try out things related to what we are discerning. We can volunteer for related activities, take a part time job in an area that seems appropriate, or participate in related parish groups. We should try anything that seems appropriate that will give us a chance to try things out. And as we do that, we should evaluate. Over time, God will show us what we need to do." (click here for the full thing)

Did you get that? Over time. These things take time, so don't stress out about it. First, don't let the pressures of this world force you into making a hasty decision. Second, don't fear failure. If you go out there and strike out at the plate, then chalk that up to experience and move on. God is still going to work the Divine Will through you, even in your failures. Third, don't second guess yourself to death. Have the confidence to know when you are in tune with God, but have the humility to check in without freaking out when you do it. Fourth, don't give up hope. Whatever people say, Call is NOT easy and Call is RARELY definite. To find one or many of the Calls God has for you in your life is a treasure. Treasure is valuable and therefore difficult to attain.

There's a great book out there called The Alchemist and it has a line saying, "Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time." Suffice to say there are few guarantees out there.

Strive to find your Call. Set your heart, mind, and spirit on Christ. Pray. Talk to everyone you know and love. Listen. God's voice will not speak to you in the way you might think. It will probably not speak to you in a way that makes you certain beyond all convictions. But maybe, just maybe, that is because a measure of humility is demanded in every Call.

In the end, take this last quote to heart. It was spoken by Iain Torrence , president of Princeton Theological Seminary during commencement this past May: "In your future lives, remember that it is possible to be passionate without being fanatical. It is possible to be mistaken or just plain wrong and I often am."