Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Uncle Stan

I got the call yesterday. Stan, my uncle, died Monday night, at peace with family by his side.

Stan was diagnosed with Leukemia late last spring. His treatment went well over the summer, but as fall came he took a drastic turn for the worse. This time treatment was not as effective, and after a while, the doctors had done all they could do.

I think I've seen enough at this point to know what it means when hospitals send patients home, or stop treatment in the face of ever-worsening conditions. If nothing else, and despite my prayers, that was a time when I began to think this was really it.

Last Christmas, not even a year ago, my family went down from our cabin in Tennessee to the hills of Atlanta to visit my aunt, uncle, and cousins.

15 - Relatives 2

There's Stan, standing tall in the middle (using the truck for a boost).

Right now there are a lot of emails, giving a kind of mini-eulogy series to the life of Stan....

"what a fight he fought. what a warrior he was. and he fought the fight with the greatest of spirit and grace. i know, because we all watched him do this and felt it every time we talked. he never once complained, he never felt sorry for Stan. through it all, he was an inspiration to me while he put on display 'when things get tough, this is how it can be done.' what a role model!"

"I loved Stan and thought he was a great person and someone who gave me the greatest warmth and welcome whenever I saw him. I will surely miss him."

"Never a selfish thought, always wanting to help everyone, caring for his family and friends. He loved his God and spoke often about making the right choices, being ready to meet the father and study the word.... Stan was a leader, sounding board, a shoulder, and most of all a beacon of light that reopen my eyes for the love Christ."

I think I'm still processing. This was sudden and yet not unexpected. Stan's fight was strong and brave, and yet here we are. I don't question God during these times. I've long since accepted death as a part of life and the uncertainty in life about when death will become part of it.

It is loss that is always so hard to deal with. It is the separation. It is the part of Stan that I will take with me, but now know that I must take with me. Stan was a good man. He was a good uncle, a good father and husband. Despite my being in seminary, Stan and I didn't really talk about faith. It was as though there was some basic assumption and recognition there. Something in two people of faith remained shared yet undiscussed.

I don't want to claim Stan to be a warrior, or a saint, or the greatest person on the planet. I think to negate Stan's faults negates his person. I want to remember Stan for who he was. He was a great person because of his strengths AND his weknesses. Strength has no meaning if there are no weaknesses. I never knew Stan to run from his weaknesses, and that is perhaps the best strength anyone could ask for.

We will miss you Stan.

Friday, November 18, 2005

And I Said Lately...

While I made a shameless Candlebox reference (Who is Candlebox? A band I loved in 9th grade.) for a title, this has nothing to do with them. Sorry.

I've been haning out in my room a lot. I've been reading. I've been listening to music. I'm not going to say I've been brooding, but I have been kind of milling around. I think I even made the spider in my room bored. He stayed a couple days, out of reach in a corner by the ceiling and has now disappeared.

Beck - End Of The Day

I've seen the end of the day come too soon
Not a lot to say, not a lot to do
You played the game, you owe nothing to yourself
Rest a day, for tomorrow you can't tell
You can't tell

I've seen the end of the day come too late
Seen the love you had turning into hate
Had to act like I didn't even care
But I did so I got stranded standing there
Standing there

It's nothing that I haven't seen before
But it still kills me like it did before
No it's nothing that I haven't seen before
But it still kills me like it did before

I've seen the end of the day come too soon
Like the prison dogs they set out after you
You owe nothing to the past but wasted time
To serve a sentence that was only in your mind
In your mind

It's nothing that I haven't seen before
But it still kills me like it did before
No it's nothing that I haven't seen before
But it still kills me like it did before

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Second Verse, Same As the First

Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

07 Guster Ticket 11:14:05

Saturday, November 05, 2005

GUSTER!

Let's see. I had a paper due Friday afternoon. I hadn't slept in two days. On Monday I have a Systematic Midterm due and I preach (which means I have a 6 page exegesis paper paper due as well). So this weekend is a litte out of control. So what do I do on Friday night?

Guster Ticket

I mean, come on. First of all, it's the House of Blues. I've never been before. I know it isn't THE House of Blues. But still. Second, it's Atlantic City, which in my mind carried a certain wry humor. I always associate Atlantic City as being just kind of suspect, or dirty, or odd...or all three.

To demonstrate:
1) We arrive and park the car. In Peter's words: "If the car is there I'll be happy. Even if it's broken into. I just want it to still be there."
2) We scrounge around for a buffet. If you are ever near a bunch of casinos, you have to eat at a buffet. And while you are there you have to get at least two plates, and you must use all of your utensils. Kudos to Bos for using all his utensils, and even getting an extra soup spoon. The three of us sat there amazed at how much food our stomachs could contain. We moved very slowly.
3) We go up to the doors for the show. Bos stops to gamble for a bit. Peter and I head up to the show and slowly sip beer, and are nervous that our stomachs dn't have the room for it.
4) Opening Band: Matt Pond PA. They were decent. If they had stopped playing after 30 minutes I probably would have bought their CD. But, they played for 50 minutes. And at one point, their bass player sat behind the drum set and clapped for an entire song.
5) Guster is amazing as always.
6) We leave, and Peter is awesome because both of his passengers slept whle he drove us all home confortably and safely. The car was still there. And no one even broke into it.

PS - I've been to casinos in Vegas and in central Wisconsin. I like to think that gave me a little variety in terms of casino atmosphere. In both cases I had a hard time locating nickel slots. Not in Atlantic City. Nickel slots are all over the place. Not only that, but the have PENNY SLOTS. Wow. Just in case you only have pennies in your pockets after losing your life savings, you can still carry the night a little longer, and actually walk out with nothing. Next goal for casinos: shirt slots. Now you can lose the ACTUAL shirt off your back.

Good times. Atlantic City, you get my thumbs up for bringing Guster, and for the sheer audacity of your existence.